Balance
by FangedCalliope
Summary: Spike never showed up in LA, he died destroying the Hellmouth. It's almost a year since his sacrifice and the Scoobies are now in England. Out of all of them Buffy is feeling a bit shiftless trying to live her new life, but then a series of alarming dream
1. Default Chapter

**Prolougue**:

Buffy Anne Summers woke in bed with a gasp, hazel eyes wide in the darkness. Moonshine streamed through the open window, casting the bedroom in a wave of muted blue light. Somewhere out in the night evil was moving, creeping, coming closer as it scented blood.

"Ow." Buffy grumbled slapping at her wrist. "Stupid mosquitoes." Untangling her legs from the mess of her covers she padded softly across to her window, shivering in the draft of cool night air as she pulled it shut. Rubbing irritably at the back of her neck she surveyed the room. The shadowed hump of the dresser, a sleepy armchair in the corner by the window, the bed and its snarl of blankets and sheets. After several months it still just felt like "the room". The sheltered cottage out in the green hills of Devon, (currently on loan from the Coven), had become a home of sorts. Xander, Willow, Dawn were all there, Giles was always dropping by to visit, but this room was still just a place she slept, not safe haven, not comfort or familiarity. She did miss her things, all her little nick-knacks, and clothes, Mr. Gordo, her posters. But that wasn't it. Her room had barely seemed hers in the year before the battle. She'd moved out of her old room so Willow could have it, and before she'd really claimed her mom's it was doing double duty as a dormitory. Truth was the basement more than anything had begun to seem like her room in those last few weeks because Spike was–Buffy closed her eyes with a grimace.

_Spike was. But not anymore. _

Buffy bit her lip, running a hand through her sleep tousled blonde hair. _Ok Buffy depressing much? Let's just not go there. _Sighing, the small blonde trudged back over to the bed, wrestling her covers back into order she flopped wearily onto her back. She never slept on her side anymore. Every night after the battle she would fall asleep staring up at the ceiling, and every night she would wake up gasping, lying on her side, a gaping emptiness at her back. Tears leaking from her eyes as she tried to stop her body's shaking from the nightmares of Spike and fire. The nightmares no longer came every night, but she still hated lying on her side, and she usually couldn't sleep on her back either. Gritting her teeth Buffy punched her fists against her pillow, leaving her hands lying on either side of her tired face.

_Damn you Spike. I bet you're enjoying this aren't you? Kicking back in some high heavenly place, with your infuriating smirk, loving every minute of the fact that I can't sleep without you._ Buffy could just picture him too: Eyebrows raised in mock surprise, blue eyes dancing.

"Oh damn." Buffy whispered softly, the familiar pain of loss clenching across her gut. Abruptly she sat up, gathering her spare pillows from the floor around the bed she quickly piled them against the wall then spooned back against them waiting till they molded to her form. The Slayer closed her eyes, wrapping her arms tightly around her waist she imagined hard pale arms around her torso, snuggling back against the pillows she tried to feel a smooth firm chest and conjure up the smell of tobacco and leather, and also that spicy scent that she had never quite been able to name. Smiling softly to herself Buffy drifted back to sleep and into a dream.

_She stood on a dunetop, looking over hills of sand and twisted trees. The sand was warm and comforting beneath her bare feet. Buffy closed her eyes, relishing the feel of the heat baking into her bones, lifting her face up to the cloudless blue sky she basked in the light like a cat._ _Like the cat that was currently curled by her feet, purring contentedly in the lazy air. Buffy inhaled deeply of the breeze as it whispered her hair against her bare shoulders, the smell of sand and heated air mingling with the sweet scent of baking wood_. _Crouching down next to the cat she reached_ _out a hand to pet its fur and her hand closed over a small green shoot struggling up out of the sand. _

"_Hi there Kitty." She whispered softly to it, gently stroking its small leaves. She was startled by a rumble of thunder low and threatening in the distance. Far over the hills a shadow was moving, a hazy indistinct billow of clouds. _

"_Storm's comin." A familiar voice stated. Buffy watched as the speaker cupped his hand around the flare of his lighter, flicking the ash away into the rising breeze._

"_Spike." she murmured, feeling no surprise._

"_And a cupie doll for the lady." The vampire smirked blowing out a thin stream of smoke as he lounged in the shadow of a nearby tree._

"_I hope it won't hurt my seedlings." Buffy said a small frown creasing her forehead, shading her eyes with her hand she peered nervously at the black billows in the distance._

"_Don't worry luv," Spike shrugged standing next to her, as the tree's shadow shifted. "They need it to grow strong."_

"_But it looks like a lot of rain, it won't be too much for them?" She turned towards Spike anxiously._

_He gazed thoughtfully at the sprout, head cocked to one side. "It might. That or–" His glanced ticked behind them over the dunes where the heat waves shimmered. In the distance the trees were dying, leaving nothing but hills the color of gray ash._

"_What does it want?" Buffy asked fretfully, turning to Spike for reassurance._

"_Its all about the balance pet. Scales and wheels and an' all that rot. Care for a go?" The hem of his black duster whsipered across the sand as Spike stepped back, fingertips trailing along the edge of a wooden see-saw. Buffy watched the seat dip in and out of the shadow. _

"_Will you join me luv?" Spike asked hopefully, holding out his hand. "I'll teach you how it works." Buffy peered at him as the shadow he was standing deepened to darkness. "I don't think that's something I'm supposed to know about." She said primly, stepping back into the sunlight._

_Spike gazed at her, sadly letting his hand drop back to his side. _

"_There's a lot you don't know luv. And you've barely even begun."_

"_Your not making sense Spike." Buffy glared at him stamping her foot in the sand._

_He looked startled for a moment, then flashed his familiar smirk. "Sorry luv. Dream an' all that, sort of supposed to be the kind of thing you figure out for yourself." He flickered, and was once more lounging against the tree. "Storm's comin."_


	2. Dream A Little dream

**Chapter 1**: **Dream A Little Dream**

Buffy eyes snapped open in bed, her mind a jumble of images. It felt early, probably just after seven, dim morning light suffused the room. Looking out the window she groaned in annoyance, rain was streaming down the windowpane in random patterns, causing the scene of mist covered hills to blur and wobble through the glass. Shivering Buffy grabbed her robe and hopped her way into a pair of socks, pausing to think longingly of the heat of the desert. Buffy paused in middle of tumbling up her hair, trying to focus on the images of her dream but they had already fallen back out of reach, grumbling she shoved a hair stick violently through her loose bun and shuffled out into the hall. The hall was chilly, with the dim, spicy scent of cedar paneling permeating the air, Buffy stopped to trace her hand curiously over the small cat form carved into the wall and nearly tripped as she came upon the stairs. Rolling her eyes the grumpy Slayer creaked down the wooden steps sarcastically humming the tune to Hail Britannia under her breath. Stopping in the doorway to the pleasant sitting room Buffy smiled for the first time that morning, thanking the powers that Xander was an early riser. A fire was roaring merrily in the old stone fireplace, casting a delicious warmth on the room. Buffy hurried over to the hearth and stretched eager hands out to the flames basking in the warmth like a cat. Soaking up a bit more heat, Buffy turned towards the kitchen in hopes of hunting up Xander, and perhaps breakfast. _Definitely breakfast_. Buffy thought as her stomach let out a forceful set of growls.

"Cause I'm a woooooman w-o-m-a-nnn!" Buffy stifled a chuckle at the high nasal voice emanating from the kitchen. Andrew was obviously up. Detouring the kitchen, Buffy headed for the dining room, wincing at the coldness of the tile floor through her socks.

"Mornin Buffster." Xander chirped looking up from his paper. "How were things in the crazy Land of Nod."

Buffy smiled fondly at her friend we he sat half hidden by the morning paper. He was still the same old dependable Xander, a little more subdued, a little sadder behind the eyes, but still a rock of comfort and stability with shaggy black hair and a ready smile. The glass eye he'd gotten soon after they arrived in England helped add symmetry back to his face, though Buffy would always feel a pang of guilt when she noticed its lack of expression.

"They were kind of Slayery actually." she responded, settling down into one of the polished wood chairs with a small sigh. "How are things in the world of the grey and soggy?" She asked, gesturing to the paper with a jerk of her chin.

"Well the weather forecast calls for rain, rain, and more rain, with a slight chance of showers on Tuesday." Xander quipped. "Should be an exciting week for the brollies."

"Brollies?" Buffy asked with a quirk of her eyebrows.

"Yeah well, I'm trying to, what's the word, acculturate."

"Acculturate?"

"I think Willow used it the other day." Xander said with a sheepish grin. "So Slayery dreams eh?" Xander prodded. "Any big bad brewing on the horizon?"

"Not unless you count being drowned by this flood. "Buffy grumbled. "And that's already in motion. Though I think he did mention something about floods, or maybe it was rain?"

"He?" Xander questioned.

Buffy's eyes fell to the wood grain of the tabletop. "Spike." She said softly.

Xander shifted in his chair uncomfortably "Oh." he said awkwardly, nervously rustling his paper.

"Oh now I, I will survi--i've, hey hey hey!"

They both chuckled as the muffled chorus of the song emanated from the kitchen doorway.

"Andrew's turn to make breakfast?" Buffy queried, glad for the break in the tension. "What are we having."

Xander smiled indulgently. "I think waffles. He's decided to stick to the basics after the cantaloupe fondue attempt."

Buffy shuddered at the memory, one of Andrew's attempts at introducing some variety into their morning meals, at least that's what he'd said. The result had been somewhat cataclysmic.

"Fondue?" An anxious, sleepy voice queried from the doorway. "Is Andrew cooking?"

Buffy grinned at a tousled Willow who stood in the doorway. Her friend wore a long white nightgown paired with pink fuzzy slippers and green daisy patterned bathrobe, her growing red hair lay in rumpled waves around her shoulders.

"Yes, fondue. Blueberry. With frogs legs, and hoisin sauce." Buffy dead-panned, breaking into giggles at her friends dismayed face. "Its waffles Wills." She conceded, instantly catching the sugar dish that Willow threw at her from the side board.

"Hey!" Xander protested, "who would have to fix that if it broke. Carpenter Man, that's who!"

"Oh shush Xander she knew I'd catch it. And now I have the sugar!" Buffy grinned, dumping a few spoon fulls into her tea.

"Slayer reflexes, big deal." Willow mumbled sticking out her tongue at her friend, as she flopped into the chair next to Buffy.

"Well, looks like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." Xander quipped. "Willow, were you biting the bed bugs again, cause I hear they don't like that."

"Bugs? There's bugs? Cause–" Willow looked up to see Xander's bemused expression and gave him a weak smile. "Oh. I just couldn't sleep. I've had a lot on my mind."

"You did the right thing with Kennedy Will." Buffy laid a comforting hand over the redhead's on the tabletop. "You know you did. She didn't understand, not what you needed her to, and you're still on good terms."

"I know," Willow gave her friend a one sided smile, "It's just hard to get used to sleeping alone again."

Buffy glanced down, "Yeah."

The clock ticked loudly on the wall as the three friends contemplated the intricacies of the tabletop.

"Woah. Depressing much?" The three glanced up startled to see a fully dressed and ridiculously chipper Dawn in the doorway. "Is Andrew cooking again?"

"Its waffles." Said an irritated voice from the kitchen doorway. "And I could hear you the whole time." An annoyed Andrew stumped into the room, radiating injured pride, the effect somewhat marred by his glaring X-men bathrobe, and the steaming platter of blueberry waffles in his hands.

"Oooh yummy!" Dawn squealed, placing an affectionate kiss on his cheek "thanks Andy."

Somewhat mollified the young man placed his burden of food on the table and traipsed back to kitchen for the bacon.

"You're looking ridiculously chipper this morning." said Buffy as Dawn kissed her cheek and moved into the chair next to Xander. The teenager was dressed in a soft blue sweater and jeans, her hair pulled back in a bouncy ponytail, her face shone with excitement.

"School today!" Dawn smiled.

Buffy quirked her eyebrows at her sister. "This is a happy thing? Who are you and what have you done to the Summer's gene pool?"

"Oh come on." Dawn said, glaring at her sister. "Like you can't say that going to a school with no monsters, demons, evil teachers, or a Hellmouth in the basement that tries to wipe us all out every other Tuesday isn't kind of exciting?" At the others bemused glances Dawn made a face, "Well okay maybe its not exactly exciting. You know what I mean right Willow? Come on, back up the academically stoked."

Willow just grinned across the table at the bouncy teen. Buffy smiled fondly at her sister.

"I'm so glad you're liking school Dawnie." She said, feeling slightly chokey at her sister's bright face.

"Uh oh. Misty Buffy Normalcy Moment." Dawn said in mock fear. "The last time you got this teary was when I was picking out my number pencils and talking about how I wouldn't have to use them for weapons." A honk sounded from outside the house, "That's Laurie, gotta go!" Dawn hastily rolled up the last bit of her waffle around a piece of bacon and bolted from her chair. "Love you, Bye, bye, bye." These said as Dawn hastily placed a kiss on the top of Xander's head and on Willow and Buffy's cheeks before careening towards the hall. "Be safe!" Buffy called after her sister,

"Mmmofumph!" A very waffley sounding reply echoed from the hall.

"And bring an umbrella!" Buff added, sighing as the front door closed with a slam in the middle of her sentence.

"They're brollies." Andrew corrected, wincing when Buffy gave him a look. "What we don't want to sound like nerdy tourists. Oh my gosh!" He yelled glancing at the clock. "I have to be at the tavern for D&D in two shakes!" Grabbing his plate the little man scurried from the room.

"So," Buffy asked hopefully once the general chuckles had subsided. "What do you guys want to do today?"

Xander leaned back in his chair and stretched. "Well I'm going into town. There's a carpentry shop there that specializes in fine wood carving, since its kinda hard for me to work on the big stuff now..." He let the rest of the statement trail off.

"Xander, you don't have to work you know." Said Buffy, feeling the familiar twinge of guilt.

He grinned sheepishly at her. "Yeah I know. But I like to keep busy. Which really goes to show how much I've lost it. See you lovely ladies later." With a slight creak he rose from his chair placing an affectionate kiss atop both the blonde head and the red on his way out.

"Will?" Buffy asked her friend hopefully.

"Sorry Buffy, I have plans with Satya and Mirly today. They're going to teach me some new ideas about protective magic, and then we're going to work on trancing. You're welcome to come." The redhead tacked on at the end, already guessing the answer.

"I think I'll stay in Will, not really my thing you know." Buffy smiled at her friend's anxious face.

"I'll stay in, watch some telly."

Willow grinned at the Spikeism. "Okay, well I better run if I'm gonna talk Xander into dropping me off on the way. Not really wanting to walk al the way across the property in this." She said with a gesture to the deluge outside the window.

"Right then, have, Fun? I guess." Buffy smiled at her freind, Willow swatted her playfully on the shoulder then gave her a quick hug and hurried from the room. Fuzzy slippers skuffing on the tile.

"Okay," Buffy murmured to the empty room, "let's get this party started."

Two hours later the Slayer had finished the breakfast dishes, and a workout of stretches in front of the fire, in lieu of her morning run which was not a possibility in the current weather. She added a few push ups and sit ups for good measure, Slaying might be down to a bare minimum but she saw that as no reason to let herself get soft. After that she was more then ready for a shower. Dressing in jeans and a warm white sweater, she grabbed her journal and headed back to the sitting room, flopping onto the sofa with a disconsolate sigh. It looked like another day of quality time with Buffy, something she'd been having far to much of lately. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate the peace of her new life it was just that well, everyone seemed to have a goal or purpose, something to do. And all she'd been doing lately was being Buffy. Of course it had taken her a while to figure out just who that was, but as soon as she's gotten a grasp on what the "normal" her was like, she'd realized it didn't leave her with much to do. Of course she appreciated her newfound sense of self, but she wanted something to _do_ with it. Not that she was asking for a disaster to strike, quite the contrary, but she wanted—she wasn't quite sure, but something was missing, making her feel antsy and slightly depressed. It felt like waiting for something, like being on the edge of a storm.

_A storm._

Flipping open her diary Buffy scanned her entries of the past few weeks.

"**June 1st.**

**I dreamed it again. Spike. Burning. I can't reach him and he's burning. He didn't believe me. I did love him, just not the way he wanted." **

Buffy closed her eyes, hastily flipping further into the journal. It was true she hadn't loved him, not in the way he'd so wished she would, but she could have maybe, if–Well, she'd never know.

_I thought he needed to hear it. _And maybe he had. But she couldn't help thinking that maybe if she'd told him something else, something closer to the truth, maybe things would have been different._ And the truth was? _

"You had your crumb Spike." She whispered to the empty house. And it was that, perhaps, that hurt most of all. On top of the dull ache loss of losing her partner, her confidant, her best friend, was also the searing crumb of what could have been, what might have been. What she would never get to find out. He hadn't known it. Of all her many regrets Buffy wished that she could have sent Spike on his way with something real. He had set her free, given her and Dawn a chance to build a life--

_So stop moping around and do it Buff. You know what he'd say._ Brushing a hand across her watering eyes Buffy read her entry from a several weeks back.

"**The desert. A serpent open its mouth and coughed up a litter of kittens. I played with them in the sun, and the tree swayed in the wind, Spike and I were playing hopscotch in and out of the shadows. Weird."**

A small frown line forming between her eyebrows Buffy read on. All dreams of the desert and cats and growing things, and a storm. And Spike, occasionally. Buffy finally threw the diary onto the couch rubbing her dry eyes. She was getting the uncomfortable tingly feeling that there was something significant about all this and brefly wondered if she should report it to Guiles.

_No he's got enough on his mind. It could just weird subconsciousness stuff_, _I mean the night before last I dreamed about having sex with Spike in a Walmart while that weird guy with the cheese watched so......_

Buffy wearily rested her head on her knee, staring into the glowing embers of the fire she let her thoughts drift into the haze of orange and gold.

Like the dazzling sun over the dunetops. A warm blazing world of sand and stunted trees.

_She was watching a kitten stalk some unseen pray on the dune slope below. Looking down she saw she held her dream journal in her hands. _

"_I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this."Buffy she opened the book and peered at the page covered with strange carven runes. "I can't understand this."_

_There was swish and swoop of black wings as Buffy felt the diary yanked from her grasp. Sitting a few paces from her on the sand was a black crow, the slim purple book clenched firmly in its beak. _

"_Hey! Buffy yelled "That wasn't very polite." With a caw the bird took off flapping low across the dunes. "Not polite at all." Buffy muttered giving chase after it. She ran and ran and ran, blonde hair flying out behind her, skirts flapping around her pumping legs. The bird sometimes stopped, then quickly flapped off again just as she came within reach. It was on the crest of the next hill that she fell, tumbling down the slope of hot sand to land with a thud on hard rock. _

"_Ooof! Stupid bird." Muttered Buffy lurching unsteadily to her feet. She was in a ravine of blasted rock, silent and wind carved walls of stone, time worn outcropping fixed into fantastic shapes by weather and time. _

"_Caw caw caw." _

_Buffy whipped in the direction of the hoarse cry to go still. A familiar figure lounged in the shadow of the ravine wall, thumbs hooked nonchalantly in his belt. _

"_Spike, did you see where the bird went?"_

_He merely smirked at her jerking his chin to indicate behind him, where the shadows of the gorge deepened. Peering over his shoulder Buffy could just make out the opening of a cave._

"_It's in there pet."_

"_The bird?" She asked nervously._

_He smirked again. "What you need to know."_

"_I don't think that's something I'm supposed to know about."_

_A flash of light suddenly broke the stillness of the ravine, looking up Buffy saw dust rolling across the sky, flashes of heat lightning snaking through its depths. The wind was rising, bearing on it the smell of ash and death. _

"_Gotta go now lamb."_

"_Spike?" _

"_Sorry luv. Her place. Her rules." And he was gone. Another flash of lightning, lit the ravine, illuminating the cave in eery shadow, its entrance a gaping mouth into the darkness. _

_Buffy backed away, arms wrapped defensively around her stomach. "That's not something I'm supposed to know about." She whispered gain._

"_You'll have to know." The voice was a dry rasp of dust and grinding bones. Somewhere in the dark she was being stalked. The angry toss of a dredlock maned head, the rasp of claws on stone. Buffy shook her head backing away. "You'll have to understand." There was a crash of thunder, and she was tackled flat on her back. The skull painted face and crazed eyes of the First Slayer staring into hers. "YOU HAVE TO KNOW!" Lightning flashed again, illuminating the cave in light._

Pop! Buffy woke with a strangled gasp staring into the fire as a log popped, emitting a shower of orange sparks. Grabbing the phone on the small coffee table Buffy hastily dialed in a familiar number. "Hi, Giles. I have to talk you. Right now!"

The clock was ticking noisily against the wall. "I don't believe this." Buffy grumbled for the upteenth time, rolling over and punching her pillow in annoyance. It was three thirty in the afternoon! Did they honestly expect her to sleep? How had she gotten into this position again? Oh yes, Willow her brilliant friend Willow and her Watcher.

Several hours of research into Gile's visit she remembered sighing impatiently as she watched Giles take off his glasses and wipe their lenses for the third time in the past two minutes.

"Giles? I don't think you really need 20/20 vision to respond to all this."

"What?" The older man looked up at her, startled. "Oh, sorry. Quite." Her former Watcher looked at her, a rather dazed expression in his eyes.

"Giles!" Buffy nearly squealed in exasperation.

Giles leaned his elbow on his knees, steepling his hands in front of him he took a deep breath before replying, "There is passage in one of the older Watcher texts, well a legend really, of cave where the first Slayer was made."

"I've been there." Buffy blinked. "I mean, that vision place, with the shadowbox. That must have been it right?"

"Its quite possible."Her Watcher's eyes had clouded over again, he was obviously lost in thought.

"So you know where to find it?" Buffy prodded.

"Yes, well, no."

"Giles!"

"It's a place that isn't a place Buffy," the Watcher explained. "it exists outside of time, outside of our world. It can only be reached through powerful magics, or the dream realm."

"Aha!"

The Slayer and Watcher turned to find an excited looking Willow grinning at them as she peered over the top of a large dusty book. She had been so quiet the last few hours that the two had literally forgotten she was there. Now Buffy looked at her friend hopefully. There's an aha? Because those are usually good news."

"It is." The redhead said smugly, "At least I think it is." An hour later Buffy had found herself lying in her bed while Giles lit candles and Willow chanted something in Latin while drawing a ring of smoking sage in circle around her body. Apparently this ritual would enable her to go into her dreams and bring back knowledge with her, which is why she held her dream journal open on her stomach her fingers pressed to the pages. Willow finished the last fraze of the spell, drawing the curtains so that the room was in muted darkness. The Slayer peered suspiciously at her friend.

"Now what."

Willow shrugged. "Now you sleep."

"Umm it's a spell, shouldn't I go pouf, or something?"

Willow smiled, before shutting the bedroom door after herslf and Giles. "You could try counting sheep.

Turning her gaze back to the ceiling Slayer sighed and began taking Willow's advice. Sheep, fluffy ones, with pink bows, the blonde giggled, slowly beginning to drowse.

"Buffy?"

The young woman clenched her pillow narrowly missing hurling at Gile's well meaning face that was poked around the corner of her door.

"What." She ground out between clenched teeth. The Watcher's face fell.

"Ah, then you're still awake?"

"Yes." _Wow Buffy. And they say you don't have self control_.

"Would you ah, maybe like some tea? I find that chamomile often helps me when–"

"No that's alright Giles, I still haven't finished the three cups that Willow brought up in the last hour."

Her waker actually had the grace to look slightly sheepish. "We are being a trifle overzealous aren't we? Is there anything I can—"

"Giles." Buffy said calmly. "Out."

"Right." The older man replied, beating a speedy retreat. Letting out her held breath in whoosh of air Buffy relaxed back down onto the bed. This was hopeless. _Well whatever it is you want to tell me you had better find some other way,_the Slayer growled her head,_ or do it soon because I'm going to die of boredom before I ever fall--_Within seconds Buffy was asleep.

_Before her was the cave's entrance, a black gaping maw into the unknown._

"_I'm scared." She glanced imploringly at the blonde man beside her. "Can't you come with me?"_

"_Not my place, luv. She wouldn't like it, a beastie like me in her digs. Go on, I'll be waiting on the other side."_

_The Slayer swallowed, glancing apprehensively into the darkness. "Should I um, maybe knock, or something?"_

_Her companion smirked at her, blue eyes twinkling. "When have you ever knocked Slayer?"_

_With a small smile on her lips she took a deep breath and stepped inside he cave's entrance. Buffy found herself in a narrow passage, walls of smooth dun colored rock curving around and over her head. A cool current of air moved steadily past her, stirring the small tendrils of hair that had escaped from her braid. A strange tingle was passing through her body, causing the tiny hairs to prickle at the nape of her neck, it almost felt as if the stones themselves were watching her. The next passageway was set a strange angle in the wall of the tunnel, so narrow that she almost missed it, sighing Buffy wriggled through, wincing as the rough stone scraped against her skin._

_The small enclave was almost like a cell: stark bare, devoid of warmth or life_. _In the corner_ _was a jumbled pile of ancient bones, strange clawed hands, and grinning monstrous skulls_, _lying silent under the decaying remains of a rough woven blanket_. _Next to the gruesome bed was a small string of brightly colored beads, and child's doll. Feeling tears prick her eyes Buffy knelt down and softly traced her fingers over the doll's carved face, she flinched as it crumbled to dust beneath her touch. It was then that she saw it, carved into the stone just above the bed, a halting broken line of strange runes, scratched haphazardly, and with deep determination into the unyielding stone. Her breath quickening in her throat Buffy reached out trembling fingers to trace the strange words. There was flash in the back of her head that made her dizzy, and then the letters before her twisted and melted into lines she could understand._

**_Between dawn light and day you will find me_**

_**Between nightmares and dreams**_

_**I live in the action of death.**_

_**My world is shadow**_

_**The night**_

_**And the kill**_

_**And the dust of each sunrise**_

_**I can never go home**_

_**My companion is death **_

_**My heart is a cracking stone**_

_**I cannot walk in this world**_

_**Its light is blinding**_

_**Its darkness is my doom**_

_**My love is dust**_

_**Its bones fill my heart**_

_**And when the dawn breaks–**_

_**It hurts my eyes.**_

"_I'm sorry." Buffy turned to look at the feral young woman beside her. The First Slayer was crouched a little to her side, head cocked as she surveyed the lines of her last words._

"_Do not be sorry. Be ready." Buffy glanced up in startlement._ "_There is no time." The ebony woman shook her maned head, prowling restlessly back and forth across the narrow space._

"_Let me guess," Buffy tossed at her nervously. "You want to offer me power? Well thanks but no thanks. It's already been offered and the answer's still no." She tilted her head defiantly. "I'm not like you."_

" _You have choices."_

"_You didn't." Buffy said feeling sadness well in her chest. "I'm sorry, it wasn't fair, what they did to you."_

_The warrior shook her head dismissively "Choices to make."_

"_Why? Why me? Why am I here?"_

"_You're asking the wrong questions." _

_Buffy glared. "As you may have noticed there are plenty of Slayers in the world now. Talk to one of them."_

"_You are the Elder, the last. To know the burden, to know the pain. Alone."_

"_I am not alone, and I'm not that old!"_

_The woman's lips quirked in the shadow of a bemused smile. "I do not offer power. Only knowledge." The warrior stepped in front of Buffy. "Will you accept the knowledge?"_

_Buffy wiped damp palms on her jeans"What will happen if I do."_

"_Nothing comes without a price."_

_The blonde Slayer swallowed. "And if I don't."_

"_That comes also with a price, and one to great to pay ."_

"_That doesn't leave me with much choice does it?" Buffy snapped blinking back tears of anger and hurt. _

"_It is a choice still. Will you accept."_

_The Slayer sighed feeling very, very tired. "Will it be important?" _

_The primitive nodded."It may teach the difference between Life and Death." Buffy took a deep breath, for some reason hearing those two words in capitals. She trusted this woman, her ancestor. There was a duty still, a duty to protect those she loved. And that meant the world as well. Looking the woman across from her square in the eye she answered "Yes."_

_Gently the ancient being placed a roughened palm to the side of the small woman's head. Her skin felt cool and dry, the palm's flesh stripped of softness, she held it pressed against her head for a moment, and then was removed."The knowledge has been given. You are free to go."_

_Buffy blinked. "That's it?" The primitive nodded. "I don't feel any different, aren't I supposed to be smarter now or something?"_

"_You will understand. Go now." The ebony female crouched next to the wall tracing gnarled fingertips over her writing on the stone. With a sigh, Buffy turned to go, then paused in the rough doorway. "Why did you come back to this place?"_

_Without turning her strange guide answered."It is mine. They never knew. They made me here, put the darkness in me, put the light. But I came back when it was done, came back to die. I was chained to the earth, in the end I returned to it. I cannot go home." Buffy shivered as she was pinned by a pair of agate eyes. "You must find–"_

"Buffy?"

With a gasp the small woman sat up in bed. It was dark, the sun having gone down sometime while she slept. "Dawn?"

Her sister crushed her in an enthusiastic hug "You're awake!"

Before Buffy could reply Giles, Willow, and Xander all dashed into the room.

"Buffy." Giles gasped, his face awash with relief. "You're awake."

Xander ran a hand through his shaggy hair giving his friend a lopsided grin. "You had us worried for a while there Buffster."

Behind the three Willow had gone very still. "Buffy?" She queried shakily, her face pale.

The Slayer followed her friend's gaze down to her lap, and bit back a surge of bile. Her diary lay open across her knees, the pages scrawled with slanting lines of verse written in a deep red that looked like the carmine of blood. Buffy stared at her hands, they were unmarked. Then looked with wide eyes at her silent family. Giles was first to act, nervously clearing his throat he reached out a shaky hand towards the book on his charge's lap. "If I may." Lifting the diary carefully up to his face he began to read.

"**The Warrior Queen stands alone,**

**The wheel has been re-bent.**

**The scales will tip spilling rivers of blood,**

**What can grow under the water? **

**What can grow under the flood?**

**The end or the beginning.**

**The Queen, her throne, the Crown of Bones.**

**Where does the Champion stand?**

**The dark will come obscuring night,**

**The flood will cover the land."**

The sharp ring of the telephone jarred the perfect silence in the room. No one made a move to get it, each lost in their own thought's.

"Giles!" Andrew's high nasal voice reached their ears.

"Not now Andrew." The older man shouted towards the door, his eyes trained on Buffy's pale face.

"Gile's." Andrew yelled again. "He says its important." Rupert's blue eyes flicked towards the door.

"Who says its important?"

"He says his name is Spilling. He says you'll want to speak to him right away."

"Oh bloody hell!" Gile's swore, dropped the diary in Buffy's lap and strode quickly towards the stairs.

"Giles what–?" Willow started but he was gone. Smiling wanly she sank down next to Buffy and Dawn on the bed. Looking at her sister and friends Buffy noticed how tired and drawn they all looked, Dawn had once more placed her arms around her big sister's neck and didn't seem to be wanting to let go anytime soon. Buffy felt a horrible feeling of uncertainty begin to grow in her stomach.

"How long have I been asleep Willow?"

The witch brushed a curtain of red hair back from her face with an anxious hand. "A week Buffy. You've been asleep for a whole week."

Xander pulled up a chair next to the bed, staring at Buffy intently. "Buffy, " he began "What did you–"

"Buffy." Gile's equally tired voice interrupted Xander's question. They all turned to look at the Watcher who stood stiffly in the doorway, his mouth set in grim line. "It seems our presence has been requested elsewhere."

"What?"Buffy blinked stupidly at him, her mind still trying to process everything that had happened since she'd fallen asleep.

"I'm sorry Buffy, I know we have more pressing matters. But it's the Council, and I'm afraid it can't wait."


	3. Pain And Pixies

Thanks so much to those who reviewed. You guys are the reason this next chapter is posting today.

**Chapter 2: Pain And Pixies**

"The Council?" Buffy stared at her Watcher in disbelief. "But they were destroyed. The Council was destroyed."Giles sank wearily into the overstuffed armchair in the corner of the room.

"Yes, they were. You know that I've been trying to find and contact any of the remaining Watchers, I have been able to locate some old friends who managed to survive, its imperative that we build some kind of network at this time." Seeing his young friends staring blankly at him the older man sighed and continued. "There was a portion of the Council that went into "protective anonymity," as they call it, while the slaughter was going on. They've recently reemerged now that," Giles face twisted into a bit of a sneer, "well now that its safe again." Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Right, so why should we have anything to do with them Giles?"

"They have a great many of the old texts, valuable manuscripts and recordings that could be very useful for what may be ahead."

Buffy clambered out of bed and began pacing nervously around the room, her jaw set, hazel eyes snapping with fury. "Yeah information that would probably have been very useful last year too. Where were they then?"

Xander stopped Buffy with a gentle hand on her arm.

"What may be ahead?" He asked Giles softly, sparing a worried glance at the two girls who sat silent and tense on the bed.

"Well that's the thing." The watcher replied, staring intently at Buffy, "omens and portents are beginning to take shape, very vague, very disturbing."

Buffy glared at her father-figure incredulously. "You think we should share information?"

"No." Giles shook his head. "This surviving branch, they're very much of the old Council. The man currently in charge, Spilling, he was one of Quentin's worst bootlickers. You're very right not to trust them Buffy."

His young charge sighed, running anxious fingers through her tousled blonde hair. "What are you getting at Giles. Just spit it out, I am so not in the mood for riddles right now."

"Spilling has proposed an exchange of information. What happened at the Sunnydale Battle, for the information they currently possess."

"And what do they have that they think we would want so badly?"

Gile's weathered face settled into a resigned grimace. "According to Spilling the Council has gotten their hands on a genuine seer. A seer that speaks of warning prophecy, a flood."

"We have that information already Giles."

"We need more Buffy, we don't know how long these dreams of yours will last, or if they'll tell us everything. If we have all the information we may have a chance to avert any more carnage."

Buffy sank wearily backdown onto her bed with a thump. "A seer huh. How much do you think we should tell them Giles?"

Her Wtacher smile wanly at her. "I don't know Buffy, but I suggest as little as possible."

Two days later the Scoobies found themselves in the posh sitting room of a large London Brownstone, situated in an upper crust neighborhood just a few blocks from Kensington gardens. It was a fanatically tidy room, but pleasant enough, the man currently offering his hand to Slayer however, wasn't.

"Miss Summers. Such a pleasure to meet you."

Buffy resisted the urge to wince as her hand met the rather clammy one of the oily man in front of her in cordial shake. _I'm so glad Dawny isn't here to meet this creep, _she thought silently to herself. Augustus Spilling was a tall thin man with an immaculately trimmed black mustache and the usual suit of grey tweed. He had a thin frame, a weak mouth, and decidedly unsettling pale grey eyes. Where Quentin had at least carried an air of authority this man was all ingratiating smiles and veiled malice. He set Buffy's teeth on edge and she known him for about ten seconds.

"Mr. Spilling." She said blandly meeting his eyes with polite indifference. She was dressed for business, jeans, and a plain black top, her blonde hair fell loose and uncurled around her shoulders, her weight shifted onto the balls of her feet, her body unconsciously preparing for battle.

_Are you sure about this Buffy? _Willow's voice was like a whisper of summer wind in the back of Buffy's mind. _He looks kinda slimy_

The witch stood slightly to Buffy's right. Posture composed, hands resting loosely at her sides. Her hair was pulled into a tight braid, and she wore an almost severe green dress, her presence radiated contained power.

_I'll say. _Xander muttered via their mind link, his presence the color of warm cherry wood. _This guy could win gold in the stuffed shirt Olympics_. _He looks like Giles would if he ate a box of starch_. Her male friend hovered protectively behind Willow, warning off the curious glances of the other Watchers behind Spilling. He had paired his usual jeans with a plane button down shirt and he fidgeted unconsciously with the cuffs.

_I don't like this any more than you do guys._ Buffy replied soberly._But he has something we want. _The others could hear the smirk in her mind voice. _Even if he does look like Giles on starch. _

_Pay attention children. _Giles admonished them, his voice a current of deep water, cold water, as it spoke whole volumes of glares. _We have job to do_

The watcher stood on the other side of Buffy, satchel in hand, instead of the uniform tweed he wore a dark blue jacket and buttoned shirt, he met the eyes of his fellows with a steely gaze, not one of them had manage to stare him down.

"Alright Spilling." Buffy said, arms akimbo. "We're here, let's see your seer."

The man gave her another oily smile. "Certainly Miss Summers, but I believe our agreement was an exchange of information. What you know, for what we have ascertained. I hope you have cataloged your information. I understand it may bring up painful memories, but I assure you this building is quite protected from ghosts, especially those of dead lovers."

_Steady_ Giles voice whispered in her mind as Buffy gritted her teeth behind an indifferent smile. The urge to hit was very strong. "Believe me Mr. Spilling if any ghosts show up I'll be certain to let you handle them."

Giles stepped forward, pulling a thick folder from his satchel. "It's all in here Spilling, each one of our accounts of what happened, along with my own observations."

"I'll take it." A small pressed looking woman stepped forward and stiffly took the folder from Gile's hand.

She and one of her fellows immediately hurried over to a table in the corner and began flipping through the papers. Spilling smiled again. "This could take a moment, won't you all sit down."

Buffy tossed her hair back over her shoulder and crossed her arms once again over her stomach.

"Oh I don't really think it will take that long, do you? I mean all they have to do is make sure that all or accounts are there."

For the first time Spilling's eyes flickered with annoyance. "Tell me miss Summers, why are so interested in seeing this seer. Any particular reason."

Buffy smiled innocently at him. "You're a Watcher mister Spilling. Do you really need to ask. You said it spoke of warning, as a Slayer I tend to like to know about these things."

"Sir," The stiff looking woman had hurried over to Spilling and was whispering in his ear. The words, "very interesting" and "we'll want to get to work at once" just barely reached Buffy's ears.

"Well" Spilling said, rubbing his hands together, "it seems your information is very satisfactory. Shall I have Avery show you to your quarters? We can pay a visit to our seer in morning."

_He's stalling us Buffy, _Gile's voice sounded suddenly in her mind. _"Make him take us to the seer now or we'll never get there._

Buffy once more spread her lips reluctantly into a sugary smile, she really disliked this man. "None of us is really tired Mr. Spilling. We'd be happy for you to take us now." She couldn't keep a slight edge from her voice.

Spilling's nostrils flared slightly, "Well really, we had planned on entertaining you a bit first, you are our guest after all"

"We'd like to see the seer now." Willow had stepped slightly forward next to Buffy

Spilling peered nervously at her, "Ah yes, you are the witch, Willow, is it not? Please believe me when I assure you that this would be much better done in the morning."

Willow took another step forward. "We'd like to see the seer now." She said again with greater emphasis. Her voice was quiet but the air around her was humming slightly with contained power, causing static to form on the paling Spilling's tweed suit. The oily man's mouth formed into a grim line. "Very well, Avery will take you. Now if you'll excuse me, my presence will be needed here." With a stiff bow, the thin man and the other Watcher's filed out, leaving a short thickset man in slightly tatty tweed.

"Follow me_." _he said curtlyleading them back into the hall and towards a flight of stairs, narrow, and leading down into darkness.

"You keep your seer down here?" Xander asked, peering dubiously at dark at the bottom.

The squat sniffed, "If that's what you want to call it. Come along then."

_Just what exactly did you put in that report Giles? _Buffy asked nervously _Those two in the corner looked like kids at Christmas_

_Don't worry Buffy, I filled it with enough mumbo jumbo to satisfy any bureaucratic heart. Nothing about the Scythe. Now its up to us to find out as much as we can._

The party stopped abruptly behind Avery as they reached a small door. Their cold guide removed a key from around his neck, and briskly turned it in the lock. "In here. No loud voices or sudden movements please. It tends to aggravate it."

_It? _All four voices intoned together before stepping over the threshold.

The room looked like it had once been a root cellar, it was dim, and cold, and smelled like an old sponge. Moisture oozed from the walls, and dripped onto the dirt floor. The room's back portion had been walled off into a cell of sorts, strong iron bars driven deep into a section of concrete with carved crosses mounted at intervals from floor to ceiling. Through the bars they could discern a blank earth wall and dirty pallet on the floor, Buffy caught her breath as she spied a familiar form crouched near the back wall.

"Drusilla." She whispered, feeling her gut clench with unexpected horror. The Scoobie's old enemy crouched in a damp corner. Her dark hair was a disheveled mass, her white dress torn and streaked with grime, her feet were bare. Her pale arms, thin, and mottled with bruises and vaguely cross shaped burns, were clutched tightly around her knees as she rocked back and forth humming a tune in a strange raspy voice.

"They heard Willy screaming in the dark, in the dark. They burnt him all to pieces with a spark, with a spark." A white hand reached out to draw distracted patterns in the grime on the wall as she continued to rock. "Little fingers, little hands. Lost, lost, lost. All dark. Alone. I'm cold, so cold."

"Don't you think this is a little extreme?" Xander asked in slightly sick voice as he stared at the livid burns on the brunette demon's outstretched arm. " I mean she is a demon but still...."

Avery pinched up his mouth in a way that Buffy had really come to hate. "She isn't a guest. She's a killer, an animal."

"Yeah, well I wouldn't treat a dog this way, you–"

"Xander," Willow, shook her head at him, sympathy in her eyes. "Now's not the time to address prejudices." _I understand what you mean Xand. _She whispered in his mind, _But we have things to do. We can't— _Xander turned at Willow's sharp intake of breath. Drusilla had risen slightly out of her crouch, her head was weaving back and forth as if trying to hear.

"Shhhh." She said suddenly, eyes fixing on the group with sudden intensity. "S'not polite to whisper."

Avery took a step forward his mouth twisted with disgust. "You have some visitors Drusilla." He walked over to a small ice chest in the corner and drew out a packet of blood. "Why don't you tell them the things you've been seeing and then maybe we'll give you some blood." The vampiress peered at the packet with hooded eyes

"That isn't blood. Blood is warm and bright and flowing. This is dead, cold and dead, it won't tell the secretes my tummy longs to hear."

"Come now, Drusilla. You know what happens when you are difficult. Just do as you're told."

The lovely monster smiled at him, "Will you hurt me nice if I ask pretty please. No, you never do. Only shouts that sting my head. Why won't you let me rest?"

Giles face grew set. Drawing Avery roughly to the side he began to whispered angrily in his ear. "You promised us a seer. This is mad woman! I didn't expect much from the Council but I must say this is truly—" Giles was cut off as an angry howl echoed from the cage. Drusilla had risen from her crouch, her wild eyes were pinned on a frozen Buffy, her blunt teeth bared in a howl of rage.

"I will not bow! I will not bow! I am made of lilies and violets, not of flesh or scales. She has no power here!"

Giles was suddenly looking at Drusilla with great interest.. "And who do you speak of Drusilla?" He asked softly.

"Her!" The vampiress growled pointing a finger at Buffy's flinching form. "She's the one. The cat. The hissing, scratching cat. She shook her coat and now there's fleas all over. Hopping, scratching, biting. Uuuuh!" The pale woman shuddered violently, running her hands frantically over her body as if to brush off imaginary insects. Suddenly she went very still a hand weaving distractedly through her black hair. "My mummy taught me how to kill fleas." She said with a sly look. "You can't crush them, they hop too fast. But you can drown them cold and wet. Cold, cold, cold. Like the flood, hissing and panting and waiting to ruin everyone's picnic."

"The flood?" Buffy asked taking a step towards the cage. "What do you know about the flood?"

Drusilla gave another sly smile. "Do you know what I miss? Leeches."

"Drusilla," Willow said softly stepping up beside Buffy. "I think you'd better tell us."

The demon's eyes widened,"Ooooh. Tomcat." She purred, gyrating her hips in slow sensuous motion, her eyes becoming vacant. "Once before it came, horrid and grasping and dark. They stayed afloat in a magic boat till the olives came back to the park." Looking at Willow she grinned. "Will you hurt me real good? I can see it, so much power. The young one's so much better left unguarded. I would make you mine. You'd like that wouldn't you? Pretty lives like bits of paper and darkness deep to rest in."

"Leave her alone." Buffy snapped, stepping in front of a shaken Willow. Drusilla's eyes narrowed, then widened as she let out an insane cackle.

"The Queen doesn't have her Champion." She did a little pirouette her face alight with glee, as she let out another eerie cackle "Can't have a court without your Champion, can't have a joust or party or a picnic. He must be there to help pour the tea when the king of cups comes crashing down." She grasped the bars for an instant, rocking forward and back as she chanted "Her crown it is, her awful crown, it won't make the garden grow, blood and howling and dark and death and pretty maids all in a row."

"My, crown?"

A shadow seemed to cross the brunette's face"I will not speak until the pixies tell me too, I'll dig myself a little hole and be quite as mouse." Drusilla sank to her knees and began scrabbling frantically at the hard packed dirt of her cell, the skin on her fingers broke and bled, as she made shuddering noises to herself jerking her head from side to side.

Buffy felt nausea form in the pit of her stomach. _Spike would hate this._ She thought to herself.

The mad vampire slowly raised her eyes to Buffy's face her frantic hands stilling on the ground. "He's all around your head. My poor boy, trapped in Slayers coils" Drusilla crawled slowly towards the bars, eyes full of rage. "You put the spark in him!" She spat. "You put the spark in him and it burned him all away. To dust. To ashes. To aaaaashes aaaaaaaaaashes we all fall down." The white clad woman's hands suddenly reached out like lightning through the bars, grasping Buffy's arms with bruising force. Black eyes met hazel and locked, in glare of death, one of the vampiress's hands suddenly switched up to Buffy's the side of Buffy's right temple, clenching as some sort of realization seemed to pass through her crazed mind. "The Old One." She gasped. "The years all coiled up in your head, so many, back and back and back. So much death. Screams like notes of music, all inside, all in you. Too much, too much."

Buffy remained perfectly still, trapped by the brunette's gaze. Avery was holding back a frantic Giles, while a fascinated Willow clung to Xander, Drusilla's arms had begun to smoke where they were pressed against the crosses on the bars, neither of the women noticed as their gazes remained locked on each other. Drusilla shook for moment, face screwed up with enormous concentration;

she then slumped, as if in defeat, a single tear slipping down her cheek like a drop of melting ice.

"It is in you," she whispered, looking sadly into Buffy's eyes. "the changing blood and the raven's cry. My poor boy will never be mine again. He's neither here nor there, can't go to fire, can't go to dark. He's waiting, but you haven't much time."Her face contorted into a pained mask and she clutched the sides of head with pain. "In my head, in my head! All shouting and clamoring and beating at the walls! I can't get out! I can't get out! It hurts! It always, always pains!" The vampiress's eyes went very clear for a moment, "Help me." She quavered, before slumping to the ground in a dead faint. Leaving a room full of shocked and shaken occupants.


	4. Pure

**Chapter 3: Pure**

Drusilla crouched in the corner of her cage, it had been many hours since the shining ones had come and gone. They had voices that hurt her head and lights that burned her eyes, but she hadn't let them know that, Drusilla was proud of herself for this. The thin vampiress's mind wandered in its strange excuse for reasoning. Maybe they would burn her all away, like her William. Then she could be quiet. "Quiet as a mouse." She whispered to the darkness of her cell. Feet scratched against the earth of the cellar, the pale beam of flashlight pierced the darkness and settled on the vampiress's wan face. Drusilla blinked against the light, slowly discerning the small golden form of her longtime enemy. "You have come."she whispered.

Buffy sighed and set the flashlight on the low table in the corner. "Yes I've come." Walking towards the cave she sat down indian style on the cold ground, a safe distance from the bars.

"Want to ask me something do you." Drusilla stated. "The kitty doesn't trust her kennel does she, they want to give her a cord and collar. Pretty kitty, give you a pat?"

Buffy bit back a groan. Why had she come down here? Oh, right. Because she'd told Willow she needed more information. That's why she had snuck out of her room in the dark, risked a possible alliance with the Watchers, andgiven herself a definite bruise creepingpast a sleeping Avery, for information. Because even now, Drusilla's rambling made some sort of odd sense, and, she admitted to herself, out of an obscure sense of guilt.

_Oh screw the Watchers_. Buffy muttered to herself. _I_ _don't like them anyway_.

Leaning slightly forward she pinned the captive with a serious gaze. "How much have you told them Drusilla?"

The vampiress averted her eyes. "Didn't want to you know, didn't want spill, but they bring me blood. Alive and kicking. The screams fill my head. I didn't mean to tell them things but the drinking frees my tongue like fire."

"Alive and kicking?" Buffy's stomach turned with disgust. "They bring you humans. Live humans?"

"Lonely ones. Homeless ones. Those who will not be missed. They dig them pretty holes to rest in, why won't they dig one for me?"

"Those bastards." Buffy swore, now more than ever she knew the council couldn't be trusted. She surveyed the woman before her. Drusilla looked less mad than earlier, less demonic. In fact she looked small and frail, and very vulnerable, with wide haunted eyes. Buffy could almost see why Spike had been so devoted to her. She would do this for him, it was the very least of a last favor.

"Do you have anything else to tell me Drusilla?" She asked, wanting to make sure, and somehow knowing that the answer she got would be true.

"No. It's gone quiet. The Old One will tell you, crouching in your head, her bits and pieces will come. She's nicer than they are, waiting quiet a little at a time. You won't have the racket that my guests always make."

Buffy took a deep breath and pushed herself up to her feet, pulling a stake from the back pocket of her jeans, she raised it so that the vampire could see.

"I can't let you go Drusilla. I think you understand why, but I'm here to make it quick. Spike wouldn't want you to live like this, I guess I don't either. So I'll make it fast."

The vampire approached the bars, a twisted child's smile on her lips. "Will it hurt?" She asked eagerly.

"Yes."

The Drusilla sighed "I don't want it hurt. Not anymore. So tired. I cannot dig myself a hole, I haven't any nice things to play with. No one wants to play with me anymore."

Buffy sighed again. "If you'll just come here, Drusilla, it will all be over soon."

Drusilla shook her head. "I don't want to, not down here. I want the stars to be with me when I die."

Buffy shifted nervously, take her outside? She couldn't possibly. "It...might be raining Drusilla."She offered lamely.

Her intended victim tilted her head towards the ceiling. "Its not. It's a beautiful night, fit for ball. The frost is gilding the grass like tears and my hill looks like fairyland. I'll be oh so good, please, I want to be under the stars."

Buffy stared at the strange frail creature: Kendra's murderer, Angel's victim, Spikes' love. "Yes Drusilla." She sighed. "We'll go see the stars."

"I think you'll bloody not!" An officious voice snapped from behind. Buffy whipped around to find Avery behind her, a rifle pointed at her chest and an outraged glare on his face.

"You call yourself a Slayer! The council should have gotten rid of you years ago. Put you down like we tried that other crazy bitch. Scum both of you, a defilement to our name."

"Rotten!" The shriek caused Avery's eyes to flick towards the cage for split second and it was all Buffy needed to move, her right foot shot out in a powerful kick that flipped the rifle into the air and into her own waiting hands, calmly she leveled it at the startled man's chest.

"Rotten rotten rotten" Drsuilla muttered. "Will you bleed, will you ooze like a rotten plum?"

The small man raised frightened eyes to Buffy's impassive face.

"You have no right to do this. She is the property of The Watcher's Council. A monster. You can't do this." Avery dropped like a stone as Buffy's right hook connected with his jaw.

"Watch" me." The young woman muttered before snapping the key from his neck and approaching the cage.

"_I'm insane, I'm absolutely insane." _Buffy thought to herself, legs pumping as she followed Drusilla through the twisting paths of Kensington Garden at a half jog, passing unseeing the shadowed beauty of the flowers and trees. Once they had reached the quiet darkness of the park the vampiress had begun to move with surprising speed, her white dress glowed in the darkness, the moonlight smoothing out the bruises and burns on her arms till she almost looked like a marble statue come suddenly to life to frolic under the stars. Buffy nearly tripped on the uneven pathway and let out a small curse as she shivered in chill night air, wishing she was wearing a jacket instead of a thin blue cardigan

" _I must go to the Gardens." _she quoted darkly in her mind. _They could have been halfway across London and she probably still would have gotten me to take her._"Stupid undead glidy lady." Buffy muttered as she watched Drusilla gliding ahead of her with preternatural grace. Then sighed as she remembered she had an unpleasant end to tie up.

_Willow._ She called, giving her friend a mental shake. _Come on Wills, wake up. _

_Buffy? _Willow's sleepy voice felt like warm molasses. _Where are you?_

_I'm out for a little stroll to see the sunrise._ Buffy tried to sound nonchalant, she heard Willow gasp as her presence became fully awake. _Buffy, you didn't._

_Sorry Wills. But I couldn't leave her like that._

_You said you were going to stake her. Not take her out for a walk. If Spilling--_

_I know. But–I just. I feel like she deserves to go with some dignity that's all._

Buffy felt her friend sigh, she could see Willow's disgruntled face, surrounded by a curtain of red hair as clearly as if it was before her. _I made it look like she knocked Avery out and escaped. I just need you to make **him** remember it that way._ _Please Wills?" _

_Alright Buffy, but I expect major foot rubs for this. _Buffy sent her friend a quick mental grin and hug. _Thanks Willow, you're the best._

_Yeah, yeah. I bet you say that to all your witches_, _where are you_?

_If they ask you you'll honestly be able to say you don't know_.

Buffy heard her friends muttered grumbles just before she shut off the link. Looking up Buffy nearly crashed straight into Drusilla who had stopped at the bottom of a low treeless hill.

"Is the Red One still buzzing in your head."

Buffy gave her a startled look, "No she's gone now. She's helping Avery to remember that **you** knocked him out and took the key. Is this the place, or are we going to France."

Drusilla gave her a wan smile. "This is my place, my fairy hill." She said, as the women began to climb the gentle slope towards the top. "Our family came here once. Had a lovely picnic, a group of park wardens that came to evict us. My Spike and I danced under the moon, while the heavens bled and cherubs fell from the sky." They had reached the top of the hill, it was indeed a beautiful spot with a wonderful view of the night sky. Drusilla turned towards her "I came here once before, to wait for the stars to wink out, but then the bad men came and locked me all away, interrupted me. I wish I had time to teach them a lesson in politeness." She turned eyes full of trust to Buffy's face. "But you'll stop them this time won't you?"

"Yes Drusilla, no one will interrupt you this time." Buffy explained patiently.

"The stars are whispering, they say it will be time soon." The vampiress sank gracefully down onto the grass, Buffy hesitated, then sat carefully down next to her. "Will my angel come for me?" Her strange charge asked hopefully.

Buffy swallowed, she hadn't expected a question like that. "I don't know."

Drusilla sighed and lay back on the lawn, dress shining wanly on the dark ground. "He wasn't a very good Angel, my daddy. I thought angel's would be shining and bright and pure but he was dark, and he had dark, dark wings." Her shadowy eyes turned to Buffy's face. "I had hearts, warm and glowing. He ripped them up and burned them all away, my Angel. He's red and black and smouldering. He took them all from me. Everyone I loved. Now they're all ashes. All dust."

Buffy swallowed past the sudden lump in her throat. "I'm sorry Drusilla."

The brunnette stared softly at the sky "He used to say that, my daddy. But he never was, not for me, only for himself, because the light half stung him." The frail vampiress traced invisible patterns in the air with tender fingers "Not like my William, sweet White William, shining so bright. His love was blinding, brighter than the fire, I had to leave him lest he burn me."

Tears had begun to trickle silently down Buffy's cheeks, _sweet William, so bright. _Wordlessly she reached out and took the child like demon's hand. Drusilla turned to look curiously at the Slayer, black locks of hair hissing slightly on the grass as she cocked her head to one side, a movement so like Spike's that Buffy bit back a nearly hysterical laugh.

"I couldn't see you, you know. Dark, dark, dark, where the Slayer is, always dark. But its not, its bright. Brighter than the day." She gently reached up an icy hand to caress Buffy's tear wet cheek. "You would have been so dark." She whispered. "And so bright too, very very glowing and glistening. That's all he ever wanted my dear boy: something effulgent." Drussilla's hand drifted down to her own face, lightly stroking her pale cheek with the back of her palm. "I was bright once too. A shining flame. Pure. But my Angel broke all my candles, and shattered the light on the floor. I watched it winking out. I couldn't stop it! I couldn't stop it!" Her face shifted abruptly into a demon's mask, a hand shot out quicker than Buffy could have dreamed possible, and latched onto her throat like a vice. "So I became dark." Drusilla hissed. "Dark, and smouldering too. A good daughter, a black goddess. I bit and ripped and tore and killed, crimson and black." Abruptly she let go of Buffy's neck and sank back to the ground. "But I am tired now." She said simply, and Buffy slowly relaxed the grip on her stake. "Tired of the dark, tired of the whispers, beating in my head like a bird." Her gaze flicked to the sky where grey light was beginning to grow in the east. "I must say goodbye to the stars." The vampiress stumbled up and Buffy jumped to her feet, gently supporting her under the arm. "Where is Miss Edith? She should be here, here with me. I love miss Edith."

"I'm sure she loves you too Drusilla." Buffy said gently. The brunnette looked at Buffy pityingly.

"No she doesn't, she's a doll." She said slowly and distinctly, as if to a child giving the startled blonde's hand a little pat, before turning back to the sky. Pink and rose and peach were beginning to glow on the horizon, causing creeping shadows to grow across the grass. "I can't see the stars."

Buffy wrapped her arm around the taller female's thin waist. "It will be alright Drusilla."

She was pinned by two pools of violet black and blue.

"You are made of sun and fire, but there is darkness, deep and black, waiting always waiting. It deserves a place at the table too, while light and heat eat tea and cake, it watches in the dark. It's waiting for its place. " The words caused a the hairs to stand up on the nape of Buffy's neck, and abruptly the moment was gone as the seer turned back to the brightening sky. "Tell my sweet William that I was a good princess."

Buffy smiled sadly "You might see him before I do." She joked wanly. "Tell him that I–"

"Silly girl, he isn't where I'm going." Drusilla turned away before Buffy could answer. "Tell him the stars told me the answer." She looked at Buffy a last time eyes seeming almost luminous in the grwoing light. "It is coming. Cold and bright, but this time it's different this time it howls for blood. I would have like to have seen it." Suddenly her head snapped up, her voice seeming to echo in the quiet air. "You must stop it, or the garden won't grow. No pretty maids, no night, no world. Follow the crow, between the veils, the tightrope's line. Balance. You always need two for balance. Over and under, inside and outside. Both have to fit. You need him with you, find him, or you'll be in the dark alone. Without a candle or a compass or a spark. The Queen needs her Champion, night needs its day."

Buffy's heart gave a great lurch as the words seemed to burn themselves into her mind, the questions dying on her lips as the sun began its ascent over the horizon.

"Drusilla." She began, anxiously grasping her slim hand. Gently the vampiress disentangled herself from Buffy's grasp and walked forward to meet the sun alone. She stood perfectly still arms outstretched slightly on either side as if to embrace her death. The dim, as not yet fatal light, lit up the outlines of her white dress and cast a nimbus on her dark hair. Slowly the sun cleared the horizon surrounding the slim form with light. The vampiress turned stunned eyes to her hands bathed in the golden rays, and then to the woman at her side. Drusilla's face was that of a young girl, innocent and hope full, her eyes filled with shining awe.

"It's so pure." She whispered. And then all that was left was a sigh of dust on the morning breeze.

Okay so maybe this chapter wasn't strictly necessary but I love Drusilla, and I thought she deserved her due. I know the past couple chapters have been short but there's a lot of exposition coming up so enjoy the action now.


	5. No White Horses

**Chapter 4: No White Horses**

"I'm sorry Buffy," Giles said, his eyes apologetic, "but it's very clear. After reviewing all your dreams not to mention what Drusilla told you. The Slayer needs her Champion. All the signs point to the fact that he will be needed in, whatever doom is coming."

They were all ensconced in the living room. Buffy, Giles, Xander, Willow, and Dawn. The Slayer and her friends had arrived home raw and exhausted from London, the parting with the Council had been so strained to be nearly down right hostile. Spilling was as smooth and polite as ever but the Scoobies new they were under suspicion, and that things with the Watchers would most likely only become worse with time. Andrew was off at his latest D&D battle. He had been able to beg off research, since, as he explained, he was Dungeon Master, but really because Giles couldn't stand to have him present. They had been researching for two hours, sifting through Buffy's dream journals and old dusty books for any reference to a Slayer's Champion. Buffy, was barely suppressing her irritation, she was a little tired of everyone both inside and outside her dreams telling her about this Champion guy. She was a modern woman dammit! Why did she have to need some stupid guy on white horse?

"Aha!" The sound was a high excited squeak.

"Dawn?" Buffy questioned. Looking to the corner where her younger sister was bouncing up and down with barely suppressed glee.

"I found it, a reference to the Slayer's Champion."

"In what book?" Giles demanded, striding over to the small table where Dawn sat.

"Yeah Dawny, which diary was it?" Xander question from his spot in the armchair where he sat with a venerable tome on his lap.

"Oh please," Dawn rolled her eyes. "Like the Watchers would really know anything about Slayer lore."

Buffy ducked her head, suppressing a smirk, as Xander and Willow, simultaneously tossed their books on the sofa, mirroring expressions of disgust on their faces.

"I do beg your pardon Dawn but—" Giles began, but the young girl quickly cut across his huff.

"This a book Thaisa lent me, it's about early women warrior mythology, you know, Amazons and Artemis Demon's, and stuff "

Willow leaned forward with an expression of interest, Thaisa was the Coven librarian, and she had recently been lending Dawn texts from her private collection. Giles was picking up the book and examining its worn green cover with interest. "Myths and Sagas of the SheWarriors by the Demon Thanois?" he read, a frown creasing his brow. Flipping to the page Dawn had marked he began to read, "One of the oldest and least likely myths, is that of a Slayer's Champion–"

"Hey!" Dawn protested. "I found the info, I should get to do the exposition!"

Giles raised his eyes heavenward, "So sorry Dawn," he smiled with thin patience. "Do you mind if I read it?"

"Well I guess not," Dawn mock huffed, her blue eyes twinkling. "It does sound better in your voice anyway."

"Heaven grant me patience." Giles murmured, ignoring the muffled guffaws of his other young friends he continued. "A Slayer Queen is probably the rarest and most feared woman warrior in lore. There are only three known, in history, and it is unlikely there were more considering a Slayers short life span. For," Here Giles paused with a frown. "For more information on Slayer Queens see Darkardan's Legends .Darkardan's Legend?" Giles paused a far off look in his eyes. "I don't think the Coven has that book, it's written in ancient Pheonician, never been translated, perhaps–"

"Giles." Buffy breathed in exasperation. The older man's eyes snapped back to the book.

"Right. Sorry. The Slayers Champion, is her counterpart, her guardian, her partner in all things. He must be her equal, her anchor. He, or possibly she, is usually a skilled warrior of unusual origin, as he must be, to match her prowess. Most are thwarted early on if not by others, than by the pair themselves as the two can end up killing each other in their early meetings; when the pull of their polarized forces is often misunderstood as a fight for dominance." Here Giles paused for breath, scanning the room to find only blank faces, and Buffy looking at the floor. "A Champion will fight all his Queen's battles, both violent and internal, he is her mediating force, her connection to the otherworld. It is very rare for such a relationship to work as both parties must strive for balance both in the relationship and in each other. This relationship does not always lead to love, but once a Slayer bestows upon the Champion her favor it does form an irrevocable bond, and when love is found in the pairing it is often dangerous and eternal. Though all this is really based on conjecture from ancient lore, not on any solid fact."

Buffy's ears were roaring, she could feel the pulse in her stomach and hear her heart beating in her head. _Once her favor is bestowed._

"Well," said Willow slowly. "I guess we better call Angel."

"He does seem the obvious choice." Said Giles reluctantly.

"Wait, wait, Angel?" Xander asked, rising from his seat. We gotta work with Angel? Cause I gotta say, Mr. Broody, probably my least favorite person to save the world with."

"Yes, Xander we are all aware you dislike him, but as I may remind you that is not the issue here." That was Giles, whipping his spectacles off to relieve some of his mounting irritation. He didn't want Angel there either, and Xander wasn't helping.

Everything inside Buffy had gone quite still. _My Champion ._

_The amulet, cold and hard in her palm. "Angel says it can only be worn by a Champion." The way he slowly lowered his hand, then the wonder in his eyes, his face, as she handed him that awful piece of crystal and chain. Blue eyes twinkling at her, masking the depth of the emotion within. _

"_Been called a lot of things in my time."_

_My Champion. _

She didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Fate was toying with her, playing another of its cruel tricks, and she would never understand why. _My Champion. Oh God._

Willows voice suddenly cut sharp and clear across the roaring in her ears. "Should we call him now? It will take a while to make all the arrangements."

That got Buffy's attention."It's not him." It came out a whisper

"Wait," that was Xander, hand held up in his traditional "let's think rationally" gesture. "I still think we should think about this, he's tied to some pretty evil mojo now I mean–

Taking a deep breath Buffy tried again. "It's not him." She croaked.

This time Dawn, heard her frowning as she took in her sister's pale face and wide eyes."Buffy?" She asked with concern. Willow turned

"Buffy?" She echoed, placing a concerned hand on her friend's shoulder.

Xander and Gile's turned to look at expectantly at her, Willow's concern mirrored on their faces.

Buffy took a deep breath. "It's not him. It's not Angel."

"Well thank goodness for that." Xander crowed oblivious to everyone's glares. "If I had to spend another mission with–" He stopped suddenly, realizing his mistake. "But, this is bad. Because, now we don't know who he is." The brunette dropped his arms to his sides in defeat.

Giles sat on Buffy's other side, brow creased in puzzlement. "Buffy, I must admit I'm not exactly crushed at this news, but may I ask how you know this? Angel does seem the obvious choice."

"Because I didn't choose him."

Giles cleared his throat, speaking to her gently. "Buffy, Angel is a Champion of the people, I know having your choices made for you can be frustrating, fate is difficult to accept, and it will be hard having him here, for all of us, but–"

Buffy's head was ringing with silent hysterical laughter. Giles didn't get it, none of them got it. But why would they? They had never known him. Never understood really understood his sacrifice; and suddenly she was very, very angry, because if anyone should understand, it was these people, the ones he'd died to save. She rose abruptly from her seat, cheeks flushed, green eyes snapping with anger.

"I did choose, I chose my Champion, and it's not Angel." Holding up her hand sharply at the question that was about to exit Willow's lips, she continued. "He is a Champion, yes, but he's not my Champion." Fresh pain suddenly laced through her heart, causing tears to spring unnoticed into her eyes. "My Champion is dead."

"Buffy," Giles stammered, his face shocked, "I'm sorry but I don't understand, who?"

Looking at the aghast and confused faces of her friends Buffy felt her rage return. "God, you really don't do you?" Standing in center of the room she surveyed them all with steely eyes. "Who saved me? Who wore that damn amulet into the last battle? Who saved all of you, all of us?" An uncomfortable understanding was beginning to dawn on her friends faces, but she didn't give them a chance to adapt. "Spike. Spike saved us. He saved me, he saved all of you, everyone, God, he saved the world! But most of all he saved me. He saved me when there were no battles, nothing but me to fight. And he won, he always saved me from myself. So I chose him. Spike was my Champion, Spike!" And suddenly it was all too much, and the tears broke and were running down her cheeks. "And he's gone." And with a sob Buffy fled from the room, leaving the stunned group behind.

"Buffy?" Dawn called softly, creeping quietly into her sister's dim room. Buffy was sitting in the center of her bed, knees hugged to her chest, looking very small, her lovely face was impassive, but tears were continuing to drip down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Dawny. I know you understood him, what he did, but–"

"I was mad at him Buffy." Dawn said softly, sitting on the bed beside her sister. "What he did, I felt betrayed. By both of you really, I loved you both so much, and you took each other away from me. When he came back, I was furious about what happened, but I was also afraid it would happen again, that he'd take you away from me."

"I'm sorry Dawn." Buffy whispered, fresh tears sliding from her eyes. She a moved bit to put her arm around her sister, stroking her fingers absently through her silky brown hair. "I know that was an awful year. There are so many things I wish I could take back."

Dawn gave her sister a squeeze. "It's okay Buffy, I know. And he really was a hero, I've always known that, even if I stopped believing it for a while."

"Yes he was." Buffy whispered, numbly watching the patterns of light and tree shadow moving on her wall "He's mentioned in the prophecy, he should be hear now." She drew a long shuddering breath. "He would be, if I hadn't killed him."

"Oh please." Dawn said sharply, turning to face her sister with a look of exasperation on her face. "Narcissistic much."

"Wha?" Buffy asked, the tone of Dawn's voice shocking her from her stupor of grief.

"Come on Buffy." Dawn said seriously. "When could anyone ever tell Spike what to do? Yeah he did almost everything for you, but you wanted him to leave didn't you? And he wouldn't, he stayed in that cavern and he stuck it out to the end. He did it for the world, and he did it for you, yeah, but did it for himself too. It was his choice."

Buffy stared in wonder at her sister for a moment, then felt her face crumple with grief, pulling the young girl into her arms she cried quietly into her hair. "I miss him Dawn."

"I know, Buffy, I know." Dawn soothed, running calming hands over her shaking back.. "But he's resting now. That's what he wanted wasn't it?"

"I know." Buffy sobbed. "That's what makes it so awful."

Dawn pulled back to look at her. "Why?"

"Because I know what I have to do."

The three Scoobies were sitting silently in the living room. Giles on the of the edge of the armchair, arms resting loosely on his knees, spectacles in hand as he stared at nothing. Willow curled up in a corner of the sofa, knees curled into her chest, face streaked with tears.

"So, Spike a Champion huh?" Mused Xander where he sat tensely with his arm around Willow, "Who woulda thought?"

Giles looked up the corners of his mouth turning up slight in an absent smile. "It does rather boggle the mind."

"I wonder if–" started Xander. They stopped as Willow suddenly sat up behind him, a mixture of hope and apprehension on her face.

"Buffy."

Xander glanced up guiltily to where Buffy stood impassively at the bottom of the stairs, a silent Dawn behind her.

"Buffy, is there something...we can do." Willow asked nervously.

Buffy's voice was soft and serious, its grim tone carrying undercurrents of her speeches before battle. "Yes, yes, there is." She stated taking in the room with a determined gaze. "Things for all of you to do."

Giles, stood as if to cross to the young woman, than seemed to think better of it and atyed where he was. "Of course, Buffy. Whatever we can do, you know that."

Buffy nodded brusquely. "Thank you."

"So Buff." Xander queried, trying desperately to break the tension that hadn't been relieved. "What's the plan."

"Well according to all these portent things, the Slayer has to have her Champion. My Champions gone." Buffy lifted a determined face to the room. "So we're going to get him back."

The fire popped loudly in the hearth, Buffy watched her friends expectantly, but was met only with stunned silence. "Guys?" She questioned finally, breaking out of her business-like pose.

"Sorry Buff," Xander muttered, "It's just, I was kind of hoping I heard you wrong. Are you serious?"

Buffy nodded curtly. "Really kinda am."

"Buffy...." Willow began, then trailed off worrying at her lower lip.

"Come on Will," Buffy implored, " I need you with me on this."

"Let's hold on just a darn second here." Xander snapped rising to his feet. "I can't believe we're talking about this again." Glancing agitatedly around the room he began to pace. "I mean we've been here before. Resurrection equals much pain. Pain, and angst, and mis-communication, and creepy snakes crawling out of your friend's mouth."

"Buffy," Giles stepped in before Xander could continue his tirade. "I must admit to be quite shocked at this."

Buffy tensed again, all her defenses on alert. "You said it was necessary Giles."

"I said we needed the Champion yes, but I cannot condone–"

"You don't have to condone it." Buffy snapped startling everyone in the room. Ignoring her tight lipped Watcher she turned back to a nervous Willow on the sofa. "Can you do it Willow?"

"Buffy," Willow stammered, "I'm not sure that's the point. I mean, do you really know what your asking? I've never heard of anything like this being done before. We don't have a body, or even ashes; but, do really mean this? I mean you of all people should know, especially after," the red head paused, swallowing the guilt that would never really be gone, "Especially after what happened to you. Spike could be at peace, or somewhere he's happy. We don't even know where he is."

"I don't know."Buffy murmured absently her gaze inward on something they couldn't see.

"Drusilla, she said Spike wasn't where she was going, and that he was.....neither here nor there."

"Oh, Drusilla said," Xander snorted. "Well that's reassuring, I mean here I was being all skeptical."

"Neither here nor there?" Willow asked, a thinking crease forming between her brows. "Could she have meant..." She looked at Giles, who seemed to be looking intrigued in spite of himself.

"The Ether." He finished frowning slightly. "It's a bit thin, but its possible."

"The Ether?" Buffy questioned.

"It's like an in-between place."

"Like Limbo?" Dawn asked.

"Dawn," Buffy stated, "this is serious, and anyway how does referencing party games have anything to do with—Oh," She said in a small voice as she noticed everyone staring blankly at her. "I get it now, continue."

"It isn't a waiting place, it's literally in-between. Between the worlds, the air, molecules, sort of everywhere and nowhere at once, so in a sense it's--"

"All around." Buffy finished for her, hope lighting her face. "So Spike could be there. How? How, do we find it?"

"Well we can't, not really, I mean. The Ether isn't a definite place Buffy, not like another dimension. It doesn't have portals, or a gateway, it's volatile energy."

"Chaotic energy." Giles inserted.

"But people slip through," Dawn added with interest, "I mean in fairy legends, people slip through "thin places" and just disappear, get lost to the world, or something. Nothing about how to find it though."

"No one would want to." Willow said firmly. "The Ether is chaos, some people say it's the place where nightmares come from, that they're energy leaking through the cracks, that it can shape to your dreams and things you're afraid of."

"Like in The Sphere." Xander chimed in excitedly, then winced. "Can we just pretend that Andrew said that?"

With a brief glare at the interruption, Willow continued. "It can't be controlled, it's partly what makes teleportation spells dangerous, you could end up nowhere and get caught in the Ether trying to move between worlds."

"Moving between worlds?" Dawn questioned suddenly. "Like if someone died, and was trying to pass between worlds or something, they could get stuck there too?"

Willow nodded slowly, her eyes on Buffy. "It's possible."

"Willow." Buffy said slowly, a tremor of excitement running through her voice. "Could you find me a way in."

"No, Buffy, it's far too dangerous." Giles had risen from his chair in agitation, lines of worry deep around his mouth.

"Giles!" Buffy growled, then paused as her eyes softened. "I'm going to do this, please don't fight me."

"It isn't not only you I am concerned for Buffy, this could be very dangerous for Willow too. For anyone trying to force there way into the Ether the repercussions could be terrible, for Willow they would be catastrophic. If it took control of her–"

"He's right," Willow cut in. "I can't force it."She rose before Buffy could protest, and continued. "But I can ask it."

"Are your suggesting trying to communicate with Ether." Giles asked incredulously. "I don't lik the idea of you doing that alone."

"Maybe she won't have to." Buffy turned roguish green eyes on her friend. "You think the Coven might help?"

Willow's eyes twinkled back, something of the old spark back in them at the hint of a challenge.

"I think they just might."

Yeesh, I hope that chapter wasn't as much of a headache to read as it was to write. But never fear, now that the exposition is out of the way we can get down to business:

A lot of magic, a few trials, a little romance, and Giles getting knocked unconscious, again. If this sounds good to you, please review. It makes the words flow that much faster.


	6. Ether Or

**Chapter 6: Ether Or**

AN: Akasha is the name for the ether in the table of hermetics.

It was Monday night, the dark of the moon, one day before the new moon. A clear lightless sky stretched over Devon's slumbering hills, speckled intermittently with cold stars. The cottage was dark, it's curtains drawn. If by some off chance a traveler happened to be wandering the English countryside at night they would have assumed all the occupants within to be asleep, Dawn Summers knew quite differently. From her perch halfway up the dark bedroom stairs where she sat tense and waiting, the only sound she could hear was her own breath.

"Have they started yet?"

Well that and an annoying Spider Man pajama clad Dungeon Master who seemed to think the workings of serious magic were akin to a road trip.

"Andrew, if you open you're mouth one more time, I will disconnect each and every one of your joints and then let Buffy grind them into a powder." Dawn hissed.

"You wouldn't!" Andrew gasped, then at her glare ducked his head grumbling. "All right, geez, I was only asking."

"Andrew...." Buffy's voice trailed up threateningly from the living room at the bottom of the stairs.

The young man gulped. With a roll of her eyes Dawn watched Buffy turn to a stately grey haired woman in a longish black tunic and skirt who stood near the door.

"Sorry." the Slayer smiled nervously, "Are we ready now?"

The older woman nodded,"It only remains for us to take our places, though it is very important that silence be maintained throughout, aside from the ritual words." Her grey eyes glanced meaningfully at the stairs.

"Don't worry, there won't be any." Buffy said, her eyes shooting daggers in the direction of Andrew's voice. Dawn had better keep him quiet, her little sister was lucky she had agreed to let stay up like this on a school night as it was. "And thank you for doing this Lorna, I-"

The older woman halted her with a dismissive gesture of our hand.

"No need, we are happy to help. Though we are only here to maintain the protective circle, Willow will be the only one at any risk." At Buffy's guilty look she put a hand on her arm. "You must have faith in her child, she will need all our support. It is a necessary task. Rupert was quite clear in his description of your situation, this is a person of some importance is he not?"She asked meaningfully.

Buffy nodded absently, her eyes on her Watcher where he stood amid a knot of black clad women.

Lorna followed he gaze and smiled, "Poor Rupert, he does look a trifle out of place doesn't he? But Maureen's baby couldn't wait." Buffy stifled an inappropriate chuckle at the memory of Giles' face when he was told he would have to step in to fill the thirteenth member's place. Lorna, smiled lightly then took a deep breath as some knowing seemed to pass through her. "You should tell young Mr. Harris to leave now," She said a trifle distantly, "It is almost time." Buffy felt an unpleasant tingle shoot down her spine, they were really doing this.

Approaching her friend where he hovered anxiously near a preparing Willow she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Xand, you should go sit now, Lorna says it's almost time." Looking into Willow's composed face, she gave a small nod, Willow nodded back, not quite managing to smile as she allowed Xander to crush her in a quick hug.

"I love you, be careful." He whispered into her hair. Willow nodded silently into his shoulder, clinging to him for a moment before abruptly stepping away. Xander then turned to Buffy, the small blonde breathed deeply taking his comforting smell of Old Spice and wood shavings as they exchanged a quick squeeze.

"That goes for you too." Xander said gruffly, kissing her cheek. The carpenter then crossed to the stairs, sitting next to Dawn and putting his arm around her shoulder, at least he could keep her safe. He gave the teen's shoulder a squeeze, attempting to give her a reassuring smile. Dawn smiled back, she knew Xander was hating this. It was the first big magic Willow had performed since the activation of the Potentials.

_Black for protection, Indigo for revealing mysteries, blue for power_. Dawn recited to herself, taking in the garb of those in the circle, she allowed herself a small shiver of anticipation, she couldn't help being a little excited by what she was about to witness.

The plush carpet that usually covered the floor had been rolled back, the furniture pushed against the walls leaving a bare wood floor into the center of which had been drawn a large pentagram. Just outside the circle, at the bottom of the star stood Willow, dressed in a plain sleeveless dress of deep indigo blue, her feet were bare, her red hair hung loose down her back. Around her standing in clumps of twos and threes stood the women of the Coven. All different ages and races, they projected an air of serenity that was blessedly reassuring.

All quite chatter ceased as Lorna turned to the occupants of the room, "It is time now. Take your places please, and may the Goddess guide our efforts this night." Amid quiet murmurs of "So mote et be" the Wiccans filed into a large circle some of them stopping to squeeze Willow's shoulder or give her other signs of support. Lorna stopped in front of the young witch placing a light kiss on her, "May the Goddess guide you child." She said quietly before stepping into her place between Giles and a lovely black woman whose name Buffy couldn't remember, completing the circle which now ringed the smaller one of the pentagram in the center.

"You may take your place now Slayer." Lorna intoned.

Swallowing nervously and tugging at the long sleeves of her soft royal blue shirt Buffy edged between two women in the outer circle, she stepped into her place opposite Willow, near the point of the star, she gave her friend a small smile which Willow returned. Buffy brushed a wisp of escaping hair back into her ponytail, inhaling deeply through her nose as the other spell casters did, then out through her mouth, she let her energy sink into her center, grounding herself. At Willow's nod Buffy sank down with her onto her knees and closed her eyes, suppressing a shiver as the Coven silently followed them, flowing down into tailor style with perfect synchronicity, and waited.

The clock in the hall chimed midnight, its light tones clanging in the silent room. As the last chime was fading away, Lorna began a high ringing chant in a language Buffy didn't recognize, though she felt it in her bones.

When the priestess began to repeat herself Giles spoke up, his deep voice blending with Lorna's creating a deep rich sound that grew as each woman joined in, each adding a level of tone and harmony to the ancient words, they created an intricate round so that the words of the chant seemed to have no beginning and no end.

On the stairs Dawn shifted uncomfortably in her seat, the hairs on the back of her neck prickling at the sensations building in the air. When the last voice had joined the round Willow opened her eyes, deftly lighting the single black taper candle on floor before her she began to speak, the steady back rhythm of the chanting adding strength to her words.

"Vac, creator of words,

Goddess of speech.

We seek that which does not speak

Open a window we do implore,

To Akasha, realm without form.

Let it hear our words;

Let it answer our plea."

Buffy fought the urge to fidget as the power humming throughout the larger circle suddenly rushed to the center, the lines in the pentagram crackled with power, filling the air with a low hum. Darts of energy flickered here and there, only to be stopped by the barrier made by the women in black. Willow looked to the star's crackling lines, her eyes a dense black.

"Oh Ether, Akasha,

Guardian of darkness,

Realm of nightmares and formless sky,

Neither here nor there.

I open a window between realm and air,

We seek one lost,

Let this space be filled by a glimpse of your void,

Hear our plea."

From her perch at the top of the stairs, Dawn watched as scarves of thick black mist began to flow up from the pentagram's lines, snaking smoothly into the still air, they left trailing darkness in their wake, twisting and writhing around each other, until they began to form a blank black space, like the darkness in Willow's eyes.

"Akasha,

We seek a warrior fallen.

If he is lost in your dreaming darkness,

Lift your black cloak,

Loosen your embrace.

We seek one lost,

Pull back your veil,

Release him!"

There was a surge of power that seemed to suck the air from the room. The women in the circle swayed forward eyes, closed, postures vacant, though never breaking their chant. Crackles and charges of sparkling light, arced through the moving darkness contained in the sacred symbol,

"Who dares to approach The Realm of In-Between?" The voice was at once a sibilant whisper and an imperious command.

Willow, gritted her teeth, the electricity in the circle causing wisps of her red hair, to stand on end.

"We seek one fallen, a Champion."

"Those who wander here may not return."

Raising her arms Willow allowed some of her reserves to flow into her voice, green lights began to dance behind her eyes, lifting her face she spoke one word."Release!"

The expressionless voice sounded almost bored. "Your magic has no power here Witch. You can use it to open a window but do not think to bend the Ether to your will, if you strike at us we will flow around it like water, if you enter us you will lose yourself."

Willow shuddered, she knew that darkness."I mean no offence. It is asked to release the Queen's Champion, he is needed."

"Who asks it?"

Buffy rose to her feet. "I ask it."

The darkness in the circle, twitched, that was the only word to describe it, then flowed into the form of a tall woman. Her hair was made of the arcs and charges of the darkness, and her eyes were deeper and blacker than night. She turned these expressionless eyes on the small blonde woman, her face half amusement, half contempt.

"Ensigns of throne and the bloodlines of Earthrealm hold no power here."

"I am not an," Buffy grimaced slightly at what word to use, "an, ensign from this world, I serve the light."

The gate keeper turned her head to one side, Buffy fought the urge to squirm as she seemed to stare straight into with her with a penetrating gaze. "But there is much darkness in you." She cocked her head again as if listening to unheard voices. "Ah. Now I see. The balance has been changed." She turned to stare at the small warrior reproachfully. "You have changed things. Things that were meant to be you have altered, now you seek to twist them further. You upset order wherever you go. You may be worthy to seek what you ask for."

Stung, Buffy lifted her chin defiantly, "He is necessary."

The corner of the woman's mouth twitched. "Yes, you have made him so." She cocked her head, listening again. "It is decided that you may enter here and face the tests. But you cannot take her with you."

Buffy glanced at Willow's tense form. "I don't plan on taking anybody with me."

"Not the Witch, the Old One. You must face these challenges alone."

At Buffy confused look, the dark woman smirked. "She is not your darkness small warrior, it is all your own. Will you accept the challenge?"

Buffy swallowed nervously, "Yes."

Cupping the side of Buffy's head the dark creature drew a spark of red light into her palm. "Then come!" The gatekeeper held out an imperious hand. Buffy extended her own nervously then stopped.

"How will I get back?"

A look of brief irritation flickered across the guardian's face.

"Since you ask it, we will provide an anchor." Snapping out her wrist she pointed at Willow sending an arc of darkness into the Witch's chest.

"Aaaaah!" Willow screamed doubling over as she fought down the powerful urge to vomit, shaking at the alien energy invading her body, it was like nothing she had ever felt.

"Willow!" Buffy yelled turning towards her friend.

Outside the circle Dawn and Andrew grabbed hold of a frantic Xander and dragged him back from the ring of chanters. Dawn wrapped her arms around Xnder, whispering frantically into his ear.

"We can't Xander, we can't, I'm scared too, but we don't know what an interruption would do to her now."

Trembling with rage and fear for his friend Xander, absently crushed Dawn to his chest, both their eyes riveted on the circle.

"What are you doing to her?!" Buffy yelled, furious.

"It is of no moment. Come!"

"It's alright Buffy." Willow gasped, beads of sweat standing out on her forehead, she shook with strain, but the rope of black energy was beginning to shine with the sparkling red highlights of her own magic. "I'll be alright, I'll bring you home. Go."

Buffy stepped up to the threshold of blank darkness, the guardian gazed at her impassively. "Find him if you will, release him if you can. Now come, we are losing patience."

Closing her eyes Buffy chanted to herself. _I can get him back, I can bring Spike back. Willow will bring me home._ Taking a deep breath, Buffy plunged into the darkness and blinked, she was standing in blank, black space. Formless, limitless, no up, no down, only the vague sense of something solid underfoot. She turned to look behind her and wasn't surprised to see that the doorway, or window, or whatever it was that opened to her world had disappeared. Turning in a circle she was confronted with the same sight, idly noting that her footsteps made no sound.

_Okay_. the small warrior thought to herself, _Now what?_

Back in the cottage Dawn, Xander, Andrew stared at Buffy's still form, slumped on the floor in front of the hissing shifting depths of the Ether window.

"I don't get it." Andrew whispered. "Wasn't something supposed to happen?"

"Is she okay?" Xander asked anxiously.

"I don't know." Dawn whispered, "I'm pretty sure she went somewhere."

"Hello?" Buffy called, wincing as the air seemed to eat up her words. "Anybody there?" Silence was her only answer. "Well this sucks." The Slayer grumbled, kicking at nothing.

"Buffy?"

The Slayer whirled with a gasp to see a slim familiar form standing behind her.

"Anya?"

"Buffy! I was sure it was you." The sandy blonde woman smiled widely. She wore a short peach skirt and a turquoise blouse, her short hair curled around her ears.

"Anya?" Buffy asked in amazement, reaching out a tentative hand.

"Whoa there Miss Touchy, not to keen on having the physical contact with you right now. You just came in so you're probably all prickly."

"Prickly?" Buffy asked in confusion.

"Energy fields and stuff, it's like static. Oh never mind," Anya said cheerily, dismissing the question with a wave of her hand. "I am actually quite pleased to see you. How are things on the good old Hellmouth?"

"Um, kind of obliterated, actually. You didn't know?"

"Well we don't get much news here." The peppy blonde shrugged. "So Sunnydale is gone? What a waste of a commercial district. Think of all the money that must have been lost."

"Yeah," Buffy said slowly, she had forgotten how Anya's unusual priorities worked. "we all mourn the loss of commerce, and my house, and all my things, mom's grave."

"Your mother." Anya repeated sadly. "Does Xander miss me?" She enquired hopefully. "Or has he found someone to give him nice orgasms inappropriately soon after the time of my demise?"

"Umm, no orgasms as far as I know." Buffy could barely constrain her laughter. "But yeah, he does miss you, a lot. We all do."

"They must miss you too. But I can tell you right now after the experience I just had, that it is quite gratifying."

"Oh, Anya, I'm not, dead. I'm looking for Spike." As soon as Buffy said his name, she felt an odd pulling sensation beneath her skin, but before she could really get a focus on it Anya chipped back in.

"Well it's very nice for you that you're not dead, but it's very unlikely you'll be able to leave here."

"Anya, have you seen Spike?" Buffy asked again, trying to ignore her friend's last comment.

"Then you have a way out?" Anya asked hopefully. "Will you take me with you, I've grown very bored with this place, there's nothing resembling currency and I've found no one with who I can have satisfying orgasms."

"Anya," Buffy began, "I'm not sure—"

Anya's face crumpled, "Please, Buffy, it hurts. Please let me out, I miss Xander I miss him so much."

Buffy gaped in horror at the tears running down Anya's face.

"I tried, I tried, to be good" The blonde continued. " I fought ugly men with no eyes. Why I am stuck here. Please, Buffy, please! I love Xander, he loves me, it wasn't fair."

"Anya, I don't know how...."

"Give me part of your link to Willow, please, she can pull me home. I could be with Xander again, he'd be so happy."

"Anya," Buffy swallowed, feeling slightly panicked, "I don't know if–"

The young woman's face twisted into a mask of pain and rage.

"Of course you don't. Not when it doesn't suit you. All you care about is getting your precious Spike back!"

"Anya," Buffy began, reeling at the unexpected assault, but the taller woman didn't give her a chance to finish.

" Willow could be back there dying right now and you wouldn't care! You know how dangerous magic is for her, she broke my store after all, but you don't care. Not about anyone, especially not about me, you never cared about me, never gave me a kind word, I was just Xander's attachment. You just think you're better than everyone else, why do you get to decide who lives or dies? Xander deserves some happiness, I deserve some happiness—"

Something inside of Buffy snapped, she wanted to yell that it wasn't her choice, that she'd bring everyone back if she could, that she was sorry, so sorry, but all that came out was:

"I deserve some happiness too!"

She reached out to shake the other woman by the shoulders, to find her hands grasping a scrap of black cloth, which melted back into the darkness from whence it came. Buffy found herself once again alone, her ragged breathing muted in the stillness, tears streaming down her cheeks.

On the floor of the cottage Buffy's form twitched, a single tear escaping from underneath her closed eyelid. "I'm sorry." She whispered, "I'm sorry."

"What's she seeing?" Xander murmured.

"I don't know," Dawn whispered back, just wishing her sister would come home.

Alone once more, Buffy took a deep breath, smoothing the tears from her cheeks.

_That wasn't Anya,_ she told herself firmly, _she's not here. She died a human death, she chose_.

The tugging was beginning again, low and subtle, and coming from....

"Well done sweetie." The voice was warm and loving, it wrapped around her like comforting arms. Buffy felt a warm light begin to shine on her back, like sunlight pouring in through a window..

"Mommy?"

Buffy turned to see a beloved figure, shining with a nimbus of white light. Joyce Suumer's was dressed in a long white gown, a proud smile on her gentle face. "Oh Buffy."

"Mom," the Slayer choked, "is it really you?"

Gentle fingers reached out to smooth back her hair, Buffy shivered under the warm familiar touch, tears springing to her eyes. "Oh Mom," she sobbed, burying her face in the comforting warmth she thought she'd never find again. "I missed you so much," she suddenly pulled back in dismay "But what are you doing here, you should be in heaven."

"Shhh, its alright honey, look." Still keeping one arm around her daughter Joyce reached out a hand and tugged at the air before them. The blackness rolled back like a curtain to reveal a beautiful sunny sky, well actually it was beams of sunlight slanting through a large curtained window. Buffy found herself in a familiar room. Her mother's room, as it had been when she was alive, but with bigger windows and–

"Yes, I know" Joyce smiled. "A skylight. I finally have time to do all that remodeling I dreamed of before. I had to do something to keep busy while I waited for my girl." Her voice was so warm, so normal, Buffy found herself bursting into fresh tears.

"Oh my dear," Joyce crooned, drawing her crying child back into a motherly embrace. "It's alright now, its alright. My sweet brave Buffy. Just rest now, just rest."

"Oh Mom, its been so hard."

"I know my dear, but I'm so proud of you, you've done so well, and you found me."

"I think there's someone else I'm supposed to be looking for." Buffy paused, a slight frown creasing her forehead. "Spike! Mom, I have to find Spike."

"Oh don't worry sweetie you'll see him soon."

"He's here?"

Joyce smiled. "Of course, he comes by every evening." She grinned ruefully, "He's cleaning me out of those little marshmallows."

"Mom, I really have to find him now." Said Buffy regretfully, painfully, pulling back from her mother's embrace.

"Buffy can't you rest awhile? He'll be here tonight. Just rest awhile, stay here with me."

"Oh Mommy I want to, so much, but I can't, there's Dawn....."

"Oh don't worry Buffy, it won't matter if the dawn comes, the sunlight can't hurt him here."

A cold feeling settled in the pit of Buffy's stomach, she closed her eyes against the pain, it just wasn't fair. For one last time she looked into her mother's eyes, then steeled herself, "This isn't real."

The form of Joyce Summers straightened to gaze sadly at her daughter, then crumbled into dust, sifting to the floor as soundlessly as sand, along with her surroundings. The slayer found herself alone again on her knees, surrounded by the stifling black, and felt a little piece of her heart crack again.

"Spike." she whispered numbly to the darkness, "Where are you?"

"Are you sure you want to find him?"

Buffy looked up to find the thin form and hollow face of herself from two years ago. Dressed in jeans and grease stained tan coat. Hazel eyes dull and lifeless, dark blonde hair hanging lankly just below her ears.

"You know this will hurt him, but, you're right, it doesn't matter, he'll get it done. He's a tool, a good fighter, strong. Nothing else matters, we can't love."

"Aren't you supposed to tell me he can't love?" Buffy snapped, glaring at this hated part of her.

"We always knew he could," her counterpart looked at the ground, tears beginning to form in her empty eyes. "And we hated him for it. An evil, soulless thing, empty inside. If only he'd known we meant you. We can't love. We're hard inside, alone." She looked sadly at her hands, slowly clenching them into fists. "We can't love. But we do need him, you're smarter than I was, you know he'll take everything you throw at him. He won't break until after it's done."

"Stop it." Buffy growled, rising to her feet. "That's not how it is. I'm not that person anymore, I'm not you."

"Yes you are. We're the same person, that's kind of the point."

"That's not what he sees."

"No, you've painted a beautiful mask," her counterpart reached up and plucked something form her face, "but look," The short haired woman held up a mirror, the face reflected back at was lined with anger and condemnation, the eyes empty, the mouth set in a hard line. "This is you."

"No." Buffy clenched her hands into fists. "I've changed, that's not me."

"It's who you'll always be. You can't beat the darkness, it's always in you, you'll never win."

Buffy titled her head at the person she never hoped to be again.

"It's not the only thing that's in me."

Rearing back her fist she punched through the mirror, and through a thick layer of cloth and wood.

She was lying on her back, the horrid white ceiling and satin wall's of the box of death she'd been placed in, pressing in around he, cutting off her air.

"Spike!" she screamed. Pulling back her arm she punched, again, and again, and again, until her hands were bloody and her nails had broken.

Back in the cottage Dawn buried her face in Xander's shoulder as her sister jerked and writhed on the floor, bloody cuts forming on her hands.

With a final kick Buffy heaved herself from her coffin, and fell.

She landed with a thud in front of a familiar rusty iron door, taking a deep breath she rose on shaky legs, and kicked it in. The tugging feeling in her stomach stopped abruptly, brushing her sweat soaked hair back from her face she peered apprehensively into the now familiar blankness.

"Never could learn to knock could you Slayer?"

Buffy's breath caught in her throat. The familiar voice, deep and lyrical, sending chills down her spine. "Spike?"

Something emerged out of the shadows, or was it that there was suddenly light where there hadn't been before, and there he was. The same bleached hair, his sharp features and soft mouth, his wicked smirk, and his eyes. His blue, blue eyes, twinkling at her.

"Yeah, that's m'name luv, already a bit worn out m'afraid," his expression changed to one of concerned amusement. "What are you doin here pet? This isn't the place for you."

Buffy swallowed past a dry throat. "There's a need."

Her heart was battering in her chest, and she had to fight the urge to run forward and crush him in her arms. Buffy wasn't sure what she had expected, but this wasn't it, he was so calm. The twinkle had gone out of his eyes at her words.

"I'm sorry luv, I thought maybe now you'd get to rest."

She smiled sadly at him. "You too."

Suddenly it was all too much. He was standing before her. Spike. Blue eyed, black clad, infuriating Spike, and she knew that if she didn't touch him that she would shatter into a thousand pieces. "I thought,"She took a step towards him, trying to speak past the emotion bubbling up from her chest. "I thought I'd never—" She reached out a hand to touch his face.

_"Hey, hey! No touching. No touching!" _

_The space seemed to twist, and for a brief disorienting second she was back in the church, in Sunnydale, on the night she had learned he had his soul._

"Sorry pet,"

Buffy blinked, trying to steady herself. They were back in the formless space of before, and he looked so sad.

"but you can't get through."

She frowned at him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you can't get through. It's not your time yet."

Buffy took a deep breath. "Spike, I don't know where you think you are, but, this isn't heaven."

He snorted at her, rasing one eyebrow in a classic incredulous gesture.

"Bloody hell Slayer, I know that. A bloke like me doesn't end up in heaven. Still," he shrugged "it's not so bad. Got plenty of smokes," he fished in his jeans pocket, and waved a packet at her, " a place to rest," he gestured behind him and she was looking at a bed. The bed, she realized. The one they had slept in when they held each other through the night.

"I figure as Hells go this isn't so bad, some of the Higher Ups must of heard about m'good deeds, done me a favor."

"Spike, this isn't hell."

"Oh?" He questioned her disbelievingly. "It has it's moments."

Buffy, winced, looking down at her boots. "I know." A sudden thought struck her. "Spike, do you remember how you got here?"

His left hand fidgeted nervously with the edge of his belt. "Well, yeah, burned to a crisp saving the bloody world. Thought you might remember that."

"Spike there's something you're not telling me."

The bleached vampire threw his arms in the air, pacing in agitation.

"My god woman! Can't you let anything go!? You're like I dog with a bloody soup bone!" Seeing her staring impassively at him he deflated, staring at his feet. "I don't know alright, one minute I was burning up, the next I was here."

"That can't be all Spike. There must have been something in between."

"Well if there is I don't remember it!" he sighed running a hand through his bristling white hair, "What's going on Buffy, why are you really here, I won't even bother to ask how, I'm sure Red's mixed up in it somehow, right up to her cute green eyes. But why are you here, what are up to?" Looking down he scuffed his booted toe along the invisible floor, "Look, you don't need to feel guilty I made my choice, m' fine. Though I must say, didn't mind having the look in." When his mock leer failed to make her smile he slumped. "Go home lamb."

Trying to quell the stirrings of irritation at his last comment the small blonde licked her dry lips. "Spike I need you to come back with me."

The handsome vampire froze in surprise for moment then scoffed. "Says you. In case you haven't noticed I'm a bit hampered by a small case of being dead here."

"Well you always were." Buffy tried to smile at him, then said more softly "I need you Spike."

"Oh luv," his whole demeanor softened. "I'm sure you were doing just fine without me. It'll be alright."

"Actually," She bit her lip, then let it all come out in a rush. "the worlds ending again, and we've kind of been informed that we're gonna need your help." She looked up nervously at him from under her lashes.

She almost missed the pang of hurt in his eyes, almost, but not quite.

"So that's what all this is about then eh, the Slayer needs more cannon fodder. I might have known."

"I need my Champion."Buffy replied evenly, trying to keep a reign on her temper. Why was this always so hard?

"You've got one as I recall, poncey bugger; bout yay high." He stuck his hand above his head, "pointy hair, cro-Magnon brow, answers to the name o' Peaches."

Buffy felt the insane urge to laugh hysterically. Spike was dead, they were standing in an alternate dimension, or whatever the hell it was, there was another apocalypse on the horizon, she had just braved pain and horror to find him, and he was still managing to royally piss her off.

"Spike, I need you. The world needs you. There's so much good you could still do, we could still....." She trailed off looking at the tips of her black leather boots. She had almost said they could still try. But she couldn't let this be about them. She had the world to save, she could never let herself do this to him for anything less.

Something flickered in his eyes, "Buffy, things were," he paused swallowing nervously, "things were good, where we left them, I don't...I'd rather just leave it at that."

_That_ made her blood boil.

_Let's just leave it._

She had been so ready that night to talk. To try and put into form the new and terrifying feelings he was beginning to stir in her, but he had said those words, and she had lost her nerve.

"So that's why you're saying no, because you're afraid?" She crossed her arms glaring at him angrily, "The world can go to hell because William the Bloody's afraid to leave his cell? Is that it?" The words bourne out of her fear and helplessness came out much more harshly than she intended.

"Bloody hell woman! Can't you just let me rest in peace?!"

The words, ringing in the air, caused both of them to pause for a moment. Then Spike's shoulders slumped. "I'm so tired Buffy, I just don't want to go through all of this again."

Buffy swallowed, then steeled herself for what was to come.

"I know." Purposefully she took a step towards him.

He stepped back immediately, eyes wary. "Wait, luv, you can't do that. I've warned you."

The Slayer looked deeply into his eyes. So blue, so beautiful, so sad.

" I'm sorry." She said softly, and with her hand outstretched, she lunged.

_And she was fighting him. In Sunnydale High School, Parent Teacher Night. _

_A punch, a hard kick to his back, he pulled a bored out of the wall and smacked her viciously in the face. The long shadow of his form stood over her, demon mouth leering, demon eyes ready for the kill._

_  
_"No." Buffy stated firmly, still straining against the barrier she couldn't see.

_The space twisted again and she was on a New York subway, watching as a wolfish Spike bent and snapped Nikki Wood's neck._

_  
_"Not gonna work." Buffy gritted, straining with all her might.

_Other visions were thrown at her. Spike killing, maiming, wreaking havoc with a grin on his blood spattered face. A century of slaughter._

_  
_Still the Slayer pushed against the strangely thickened patch of air that would not let her through.

Next she was on the balcony at the Bronze; watching herself respond mechanically to him as he took her from behind. As he whispered dark words of despair in her ear, pulling her into the shadows.

"Oh come on," the Slayer sneered, biting back the ache of her bones with defiance, "You can do better than that."

"I'm gonna make you feel it."

_Oh god, no._

She was there this time, struggling on the cold bathroom tile. Sobbing, pleading, as Spike forced her onto her back, forced himself on top of her, ripped open her robe.

_I can't, please, no._

She couldn't do this. She couldn't bring this monster back. Couldn't let him look at her, touch her, hold her ever again. She was sinking into the blackness of that moment, falling, screaming, ready to crash. And then a memory, like gleam of light forced it's way across the darkness.

_Gentle arms around her, holding her, stroking her hair, the soft pressure of lips against her forehead. She was safe, so safe. And she was warm, and she was loved. _

Buffy's eyes snapped open, once again she faced the vision, but this time with new strength. She stopped her needless struggle on the floor.

"That's. Not. Him."

Her shout made the air flinch.

She shoved, and the vison vanished.

Closing her eyes for a moment she fixed that memory in her heart.

"I believe in you Spike." she whispered.

Then her face snapped up hazel eyes blazing with fury and strength.

"Now let," punch, "me,"punch, "THROUGH."

The barrier surged, and buckled, and disappeared.

Buffy looked up, her breath coming in heavy short pants.

She was standing a pace apart from Spike. Her arm held tensely straight out in front of her, her fingers firmly interlaced with his. He was staring at her in amazement, his eyes a whirl of love and shock.

"Oh luv."

And the black space around them tore, and shattered into a thousand fragments.

Spikes eyes widened, "Buffy?"

She opened her mouth to answer and felt herself suddenly being yanked back, her fingers pulling from his grip. Buffy looked in horror at Spike's frightened face.

"No!"

Back in the cabin the three spectators had gaped in fascination as Buffy suddenly burst forth an aura of rosy light. Moments later the darkness in the center of the circle winced, and flickered, and split with a multitude of cracks.

Willow's eyes snapped open

"No!" She yelled, gathering her reserves she thrust a sparkling jolt of magic along the energy lodged into her chest, and yanked.

Buffy gasped and opened her eyes, her skin still suffused with a rosy glow, leaping to her feet she dashed to the collapsing window of darkness.

"Spike!" she screamed, "Spike's still in there!" Another huge crack tore through the distressed darkness tearing twin howls from the two women in the circle. Willow's of pain, Buffy's of anguish.

"No!" the blonde screamed, with no thought to the consequences she pivoted and stuck her right hand straight into the beam of darkness pouring into Willow. She choked on a shriek as the magic slammed through the back of her palm causing her to feel as if her bones were melting and causing her hair to stand on end. The pain was almost unbearable but Buffy didn't move, watching in fascination as the energy coming out of her palm suddenly shone with brilliant rosy hued light, and slammed straight into the Ether.

Several things suddenly happened all at once:

The Ether window flickered, then exploded in a silent bang of brilliant light.

Willow shrieked hoarsely as the blast of light boiled straight down the cord of dark energy and into her chest.

Buffy was thrown to the floor as the chanters let out a sudden ringing note, stopping the wave of the blast before fainting into a disorganized ring,

And the form of a naked man wrapped in a rosy glow, dropped form the center of the light to land with a thud on the smoking design of the pentagram.

Buffy dug her nails into the floor as the entire world seemed twist and dance for a moment, and then there was an abrupt calm. Buffy rolled to her knees with a groan and crawled to where Spike lay, pulling his unconscious form into her arms.

Xander and Dawn rose from their cowering positions on the floor to see the room and house amazingly still intact.

"Andrew." Dawn bent and shook the young man's shoulder where he still lay trembling, hugging the floor. "Andrew it's okay now, it's over."

There was a sudden loud crack, and Buffy stiffened, swiftly rolling herself and Spike to the side as the floor beneath them split through the center of the pentagram, in a loud jagged crack. Buffy lay breathing harshly into the silence, Spike's unconscious weight lying heavily on top of her.

"Is-- is everyone okay?" she finally managed to rasp.

"We're fine." Dawn managed to squeak out, staring with wide eyes at the place where the pentagram was burned into the floor.

"Willow." Xander gasped, rushing to his friend's side he lifted her prone form and placed it gently on the sofa, smoothing back the red locks of hair from her pale face. All around them there was a collective murmur as the coven began to stir, Buffy could hear various groans and Giles' clear exclamation of "Bloody hell." She herself was simply content to lie there exhausted, with Spike's hard body pressing her aching one into the cold floor, at the moment it was one of the best things she had ever felt.

"Well," Dawn's voice reached her from across the room where she and Andrew were helping various women to their feet. "I guess it must be a pending apocalypse after all, the living room just got destroyed."

Buffy let out a watery chuckle, "And Giles got knocked unconscious too." Absently she allowed her hand to play across the smooth back lying above her, idly stroking the cool skin.

"Wow," Dawn breathed, staring at the sculpted body on top of her sister, "It really worked."

"Is it really Spike?" Andrew asked in fascination, nervously approaching where the two lay on the ground. The floor beneath him creaked loudly in protest.

Spike's eyes snapped open, the contours of his face shifting into a demon's mask. Buffy suddenly found herself staring into a pair of feral golden eyes, completely devoid of any recognition. Her chest hitched with shallow breaths as she realized was unable to move. Completely pinned by the vampire's weight, she could only lie frozen as Spike slowly lowered his nose to sniff delicately at her face. Andrew, unaware of the change in Spike continued to approach, stopping with a small squeak as a pair of golden yellow eyes suddenly riveted upon him. Spike's nostrils, flared, and with a feral roar he launched himself at the boy's throat. Only to snap back abruptly with a surprised snort as Dawn whacked him hard across the face with chair, then dropped like a stone when Buffy's roundhouse kick met the back of his head.

"Xander," Buffy queried, fighting down a sense of panic. "Do you still have those chains in the attic?"

With an "oof", Buffy let Spike drop to the cold earth floor of the cellar, flexing her sore shoulder muscles. It had been quite a workout getting his deadweight into a pair of Xander's old sweats, after carrying him down the stairs. With a weary sigh, she snapped a pair of manacles onto his wrists, driving the divot on the end of each chain deep into the stone wall. Only when she was sure that both chains were secure did the blonde allow herself to sink wearily to floor next to the still form of her returned warrior. She reached out trembling fingers, lightly tracing the razor's edge of one cheekbone.

"Spike, what happened?" She whispered, fighting down the surge of bile as she remembered the fear in his eyes as she was pulled away from him while his prison shattered. Blinking back tears she gently stroked his face, refusing the need to cry with exhaustion and fear. Her fingers trailed up his face to run through his silky hair. Buffy idly noted that is was a dark honey blonde. She had never known that. There were so many things she had never known. Fighting once again the urge to pull him into her arms she allowed a single tear to trickle down her cheek. "Please be alright." she whispered, continuing to stroke his hair.

"Buffy!" Andrew's voice called , causing her to start guiltily, she quickly snatched her hand back from Spike's face.

"Buffy!" It was Xander's voice now, cracking with a note of panic.

Dashing up the cellar stairs Buffy nearly collided with a frantic Dawn.

"Buffy," her sister gasped, "It's Willow. She won't wake up."

I have a dream, it's a small dream but a dream nonetheless. The dream is to get over five reviews on one of my stories. Can any of help me with that?


	7. A Little Faith

**Chapter 7: A Little Faith**

_Willow was dissolving into light, a bright shining space that had no dimension, no time._

_I'm dying. Huh. Somehow I don't mind very much._

"_Willow." A sweet gentle voice, as familiar and welcome as a caress against her cheek. A voice she thought she would never hear again. The redhead's eyes snapped open to find herself in a shining space. Drifting tones of rainbow color seemed to float through the air, reminding her of the way the sun looked when she was young, before she stared at it to long and it hurt her eyes._

"_Willow." The voice came again. The witch felt love wrap around her like a blanket._

"_Tara?" she asked, voice high and trembling in the stillness. _

_Full lips curved in radiant smile, honey brown hair danced in an unseen breeze._

"_My Amazon." _

_Quite suddenly she was there. Tall and womanly, dressed in a flowing white gown, her eyes full of an eternity of wisdom and love._

"_Baby is it you?" Willow trembled at the vision before her. "Oh please let it be you. Before, I was so sure, and then it wasn't and it was evil and—" Soft lips met hers in gentle kiss, Willow shuddered at the sweetness racing through her body. Nothing could fake that, nothing._

"_Oh Tara." Willow choked eyes full of tears. "Tara its you." _

_Again that sweet lopsided grin. "Yes." _

"_Oh Goddess baby." Arms closed in heavenly embrace, Willow's hands sliding over every inch of her lover's warm solid form. "I didn't think I'd ever get to see you again, after everything I–"_

"_Shh. Shh. I know." Her angel silenced her with soft hand over her lips, her brown eyes holding a world of regret. "And I'm sorry Will, I'm so sorry I had to leave you. But you have to listen now, because we don't have much time."_

"_Not much time, what–" Willows hands fell to her sides as realization hit her full force in the gut. "I don't get to stay do I?" As Tara sadly shook her head, Willow felt guilt lace through her like a knife."Oh. No. No, of course not. I–I'm a murderer and I did bad, bad things _I—"

"_No." In a heartbeat Tara had her in her arms again, soothingly stroking the side of her face. "Willow no. You have to go back._**"**

"_Back?" Willows heart sank._

"_They need you, the world needs you. It's not your time yet._**"**

_Willow closed her eyes, death she could face, but the world, the world with its uncertainty and violence, and grief? It wasn't fair._

"_It wasn't yours either!"_ _She cried brokenly, burying her face in the crook of her lover's neck._

"_No it wasn't." Once again Tara's voice was filled with a deep abiding regret. " That's why I've been given this, this time with you. But you have to listen, there's things I need to tell you, things that you'll all need to know.__Will you listen?" _

_Swallowing Willow nodded. Tara smiled in encouragement placing a quick kiss on her lips. "That's my girl." her face became grave, "The storm is coming," she began, placing her hands on Willows shoulders and looking deep into her eyes. " soon it will be here. Choices must be made, something relinquished and an acceptance given. A sacrifice is not always and end. The Balance must be achieved. There are always choices, the Wheel turns. And love," her companion smiled radiantly at her, "real love, it never dies. I love you." The space around them was shifting, blurring with color, Willow felt herself, beginning to fall, something inexplicable calling her back to earth, desperately she clung to Tara's form, trying to soak up every last second of the time they had._

"_Tara oh Tara I love you too. I'm so sorry baby. I'm so sorry. I hurt you and I-I couldn't save you..."_

_Her love pulled back to look into her eyes, a gentle hand cupped her cheek, the other played with the ends of her hair. "I forgive you. Now its time to forgive yourself. The path you have chosen will be hard, but don't make it harder than it has to be. You don't have to be alone. And I'll be waiting, at the end, when it's time." _

_One last kiss tender, desperate, lingering. And Willow was pulling backward, Tara's shining form beginning to diminish and fade._

"_Willow!" One last shining smile, her voice was almost an echo. " What she said was true. I do still sing to you, now and always." _

_Willow had just enough time to smile in return. And she was falling, back into a world of sharp color and texture and sound. And somewhere, somewhere a baby was crying, the high thin wail of newborn infant. _

And then she was on soft cushions, in the cottage. Strong hands were shaking her shoulders, and Xander's face was over herstears streaming from his eye, as she shook her body where it lay cradled across his lap,yelling into her still face

"Wake up Willow! Wake up dammit! You can't leave me, not you too. Not you. Wake up!"

"Xander." She coughed weakly. "Xander." The man holding her went still.

"Willow?"

"Yeah, Xand, it's me." She smiled weakly into her friends stricken face. "I'm back."

"Oh god Will." Her friend choked, pulling her up into a crushing embrace. "I thought you were,"

He swallowed trying to choke back a sob. "You were so cold, and you–"

"I was." Willow pulled back to look into Xander's tear streaked face. She turned her head, taking in the ring of faces. Giles, glasses in hand, his face haggard, Dawn and Buffy, arms around each other, tears on their cheeks.

"Hey Will," Buffy smiled wetly, stepping forward to grasp her shoulder, "Welcome back."

She stepped back so that Dawn could embrace their friend.

"You scared us." The teen whispered, her lower lip still trembling.

"It's okay Dawnie." Willow whispered into the young girls hair.

"Are you okay?" Buffy asked, guilt plain on her face.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Did it work?"

A shadow seemed to cross the Slayers face. "Yeah, it worked."

"Do you need anything? Are you okay?" Xander's arms were squeezing Willow just a little too tightly.

"Yeah," Willow blinked a bit dazedly, "I'm fine. I think I'd like to go lie down. Xander, will you take me to my room?"

"Yeah, yeah. Of course." Scooping the witch up in his arms the carpenter headed for the hall.

"Xander," Willow giggled weakly, "I can walk."

"Oh just lay back and enjoy the pampering Will. I give it to all my girls with near death experiences." The young man's voice cracked slightly, he was still far from unshaken.

Willow reached out to gently touch her friends face feeling a small pang of guilt. Poor Xander who had lost so much, how could she have considered leaving him? "Oh god Will, I don't know what I would have done if a had lost you too."

"You won't Xander, I promise. I'm gonna be fine."

And the young man's shoulders finally shook, sliding to the hard wood floor of the hall, Willow holding him as he cried.

Back in the living room Buffy saw the last of the Coven members out, calling her final thank yous as the weary women headed to their rest. Turning back to the tired faces of her sister and Watcher she let out a weary sigh.

"I know what you're going to say Giles, and before we launch into a Slayer Watcher debate can I at least get this fixed."

The Slayer held up her palm where the a nasty circular burn was bubbled across the callused skin. It was only just now beginning to pain her.

Dawn looked at it with wide eyes. "I'll go get the first aid kit." She volunteered, eager to escape the tension in the room. "Come on Andrew." Towing the curious young man behind her she hurried towards the bathroom.

Glancing towards the ceiling, Buffy began her litany, not giving Giles a chance to speak.

"Yes it's really Spike. Yes he's chained up. No He's not a danger. NO, I am not going to give him to the Council."

"I wouldn't dream of suggesting it." Giles said mildly. "Did he show any sign of recognition."

"No." Buffy swallowed. "He didn't wake up."

"Ah." The Watcher looked at the floor. "Are you willing to tell me what happened in there." He asked, gesturing to the cracked pentagram on the floor.

"It was.... intense. And private."

"Of course." It came out as a resigned sigh.

"I've got the first aid kit." Dawn announced pulling Buffy over to her the young girl sat on the sofa and began a businesslike cleaning and bandaging of her sister's wound.

"Where's Andrew?" Buffy questioned absently.

"He mentioned that everyone must be hungry, he's cooking dinner."

Giles smiled slightly, practicality seemed to enter the young man at the strangest times.

There was a creak of floorboards and Xander's tired form dragged into the room and slumped on the floor beside Dawn.

"How's Willow."

"She's okay. She's sleeping. Apparently those near death experiences are awfully tiring."

Buffy felt her guilt motor rev again. "I guess you must be pretty mad at me."

"I am, but I get. You do what you have to do." Xander shifted for a moment, "Did you, where you where, did you see..."

"No Xander, I'm sorry. It wasn't–she wasn't there."

With a half smile the young man nodded, gratefully returning Dawn's hug.

"Buffy," Giles began, "I think we really need to discuss whether–"

"No." The blonde began pacing. "We are not discussing this. It's Spike and he's staying here."

"Buffy while I agree that it undoubtedly looks like Spike, the behavior he exhibited earlier was dangerous and uncontrolled. Andrew was very lucky that Dawn has your reflexes."

"Giles. He was scared and disoriented, he was just yanked out of another dimension. He's been dead for months. We need to give him some time."

"We may not have very much time Buffy, and if he is unable to fulfill his role....We have to be prepared for the fact that all that was brought back is a demon."

"No." Buffy shook her head, ignoring Dawn and Xander who were sitting silent on the sofa, their eyes pin ponging back and forth between the two protagonists. "He's Spike. He'sin--shockand he must be starving, I'm going to go bring him some blood."

"Buffy considering the circumstances perhaps it would be wise not to re-from any strong attachments."

"Attachments." Buffy repeated incredulously. "Giles he's hurt and confused."

"And feral and dangerous." Giles snapped.

"And I don't want him to wake up alone." Buffy finished firmly, glaring at her Watcher.

A roar echoed from below, shattering the tension thick air in the room. Buffy's head whipped up at the sound. "I'm going down to him." She stated heading for the cellar stairs.

"Buffy you are acting rashly!" Giles huffed in complete frustration, "Listen to him. He won't recognize you, hewon't recognize anyone. His demon has completely taken control, we don't know if his soul is still there, we don't know if any other part of him made it back."

"I'm going down to him." Buffy repeated, turning and disappearing down the stairs. Giles whipped off his glasses pressing the heel of his palm to his aching forehead, he slumped into a chair.

"Giles–" Xander began anxiously.

"Oh let her go Xander." Giles sighed, ignoring the younger Summer's intense glare. "She'll never listen to us. She never has where he's concerned."

_Damn damn damn! _The ex-Watcher thought to himself. _Why him? Why Spike_? _Of all the Champions in all the world..... _Giles sighed. He was definitely getting a migraine.

Buffy padded silently down the stairs, the soles of her shoes making tiny crunching noises on the cement steps, it was enough to alert the occupant. The Slayer rounded the corner and found herself faced with a pair of burning golden eyes as the blonde vampire roared, lunging against his chains to be jerked up sharply and fall on his behind with a thud. He was up again immediately, sitting back on his heels in predator's crouch, taught muscles rippling beneath his pale skin. He emitted a low growl that sent shivers up Buffy's spine, his pale torso shone in the dim light of the cellar, empty, except for the stone walls and dirt floor, the clink of the chains was the only sound as the vampire moved, that, and Buffy's muted breathing.

Spike growled softly. A niggling familiar smell invading his nostrils.

Who was this shining creature that walked towards him? He could see the pulse in her throat, the rapid pounding of her heartbeat. The blood was singing through the veins beneath her golden skin, most of which lay exposed by the thin strappy covering she wore on her upper half.

_**Blood! **_

The command screamed through the vampire's system.He lunged for her again only to howl as his arm was twisted by one of the chains and he tripped to sprawl before her. Spike whimpered in frustration as his hands clawed at the bare earth of the cellar floor. Buffy felt tears prick her eyes as she watched him, he looked so desperate, so lost. Had she brought him back only to reduce him to this?

"Spike." She called softly, "Can you understand me?"

She saw the muscles in his back twitch at the sound of her voice. Cautiously she took a step towards him and immediately he scrambled into the corner, wrapping his arms around his legs and snarling deep in his throat. Buffy took a deep breath and took another small step, an idea occurred to her with sudden sharp clarity, opening her mouth she began to sing.

"Early one morning, just as the sun was rising...." Her voice sounded thin and tuneless, falling dully into the cold air. Buffy swallowed hard, how could she think this was going to work? She dared a glance in Spike's direction and saw that he was watching her intently through narrowed eyes. The silence in the room made her throat feel thick, but the blonde gamely continued."I h-heard a fair maid singing in a valley down below." Feeling hope blooming slightly in her chest Buffy kept up her song as she continued her cautious approach. "Oh don't deceive me, Oh never leave me." She was within range of the chains now and he still hadn't moved, she watched in disbelief as his arms relaxed to slide to floor by his feet. "Oh how, could you use, a, poor maiden so." Buffy was in front of him now. She slowly sank down on one knee before him, looking into the yellow devil eyes that stared back at her in wide bewilderment.

"Spike. Its me. Buffy. I'm your–" She swallowed as he shifted slightly, nostrils flaring as he took in her scent. "I'm–"

Her words stuck in her throat as she found herslf suddenly pinned to the wall, strong hands pressing into her shoulders.The blonde willed herself to remain still asthe vampireleaned forward to sniff her shoulder, the slight brush of his nose against her skin sending familiar tingles through her body.

She smelled nice, Spike decided. Comforting. Warm, sweet, alive, powerful.

There was power in her, thrumming through her veins. Her neck was very close to him, he could hear its pulse echoing in his ears, but he wasn't supposed to bite her.

He remembered that.

He wasn't ever supposed to bite her.

Spike frowned. Her face was wet. Curiously he reached out a finger to touch the moisture on her soft cheek, cocking his head to the side in confusion. Why were her cheeks wet? Clumsily his fingers traced over her face, trailing sluggishly through a lock of golden silk, he nuzzled briefly against her hair, once more inhaling her scent, before sitting back on his heels to stare at this strange person, his finger idly tracing the throbbing vein on her neck.

Buffy stared at the vampire before her, trembling under his touch. His head was cocked to one side, a gesture that was so completely Spike that she almost couldn't believe he wasn't in there. Spike's other hand reached out to touch her tears again, he seemed fascinated by them, the small woman gasped as his tongue darted out to lap at the salty moisture on her cheek, then he sat back again, watching her once more. Carefully Buffy reached out her hand to cup his cheek, heart fluttering as Spike immediately nuzzled his face into her palm, sniffing at the bandage on her hand, he butted at it slightly with his nose, looking at her with a question on his face. Pulling back he lifted his own palm, tapping it lightly against hers, his eyes narrowed as if he was trying to remember something. Buffy held her breath, but the moment passed, and with a low growl the vampire once more bumped his face against her palm.

"You want to see?" Buffy questioned confusedly, holding up her hand. "Spike, you want to see my burn?"

Slowly Spike leaned forward and delicately sliced through the bandage on her hand with his teeth, nudging it aside with his nose he began lapping gently at the wound. Buffy watched in fascination as he diligently cleaned the large angry burn, then inhaled sharply as he moved upwards. Trailing his tongue across her arm, her shoulder, her neck, where he stopped. A wave of tenderness washed over the Slayer as Spike laid his head on her lap where he nuzzled his face into her stomach, causing Buffy to let out a surprised giggle. The Vampire looked at her startled, then he experimentally nudged his head against her stomach seeing if she'd make the noise again. This time Buffy couldn't help it and let out a full throated laugh. God it felt good to laugh. Spike's head shot up in surprise just as his stomach simultaneously let out a large growl.

"Oh, you're hungry, right." Buffy mentally scolded herself. How could she have forgotten?

_Well he got all distracting what with the nuzzling and the tonguing and the–_

"I'll go get you some blood." The blonde said quickly, rising quickly to her feet and heading towards the cellar stairs. Immediately Spike scrambled in front of her whining low in his throat.

"Spike, it's okay. I'm coming back. I'm going to get you some food." The vampire shook his head vehemently, still blocking her path. Sighing Buffy placed a light kiss on his forehead. "Don't worry, I won't leave you. I won't ever leave you ."

Buffy lay awake in her bed, the soft English mist of eveingsurrounded the small cottage in a blanket of damp silence, yet she found herself unable to sleep, far too many thoughts were churning in her head. It had been a week since Spike returned to them, or at least his body had, none of the Scoobies knew if his mind or soul had returned with him as well. Willow was apologetic but Buffy told her not to be silly. As usual the small blonde stubbornly refused to hear any thoughts that Spike wouldn't improve, and as usual she silently took all the blame upon herself. The small woman shifted under the quilts. Willow was different since the spell. Not in bad way, she seemed....serene. Peaceful, in way Buffy had never quite seen her. Occasionally Buffy would find her staring into space with an odd half smile on her face; a soft happy look the Slayer hadn't seen since Willow and Tara were last together. Buffy sighed, snuggling deeper into her warm covers Spike still remained in the basement, though she had tried to fix it into a more comfortable room for him, tacking cloth over the single window and supplying the curious inhabitant with bedding. Dawn had helped her, the young girl being the only other person that Spike allowed near him. Willow made him nervous, anyone else he seemed to look on as food, and any other males, well, forget it. The blonde vampire would freak out if he even heard them on the stairs. Buffy had to be very careful not have close physical contact with Xander or Giles before going down to the basement unless she wanted to be subjected to a vigorous cleaning from Spike. Spike. Her eyelids grew heavy,what was she going to do about Spike?

_"What have you learned?"_

"_What?"The Slayer glanced up startled, she was getting awfully tired of these dreams._

_She was in the desert again, kneeling in the sand. Her right hand clutched a trowel as she pottered amidst the sprawling patch of green shoots before her. _

_The tweed suited Watcher before her tapped his clip board impatiently with a pencil. _

"_Really Buffy." Giles scoffed, "We haven't an enormous amount of time."_

"_I'm trying you know." The Slayer pouted at him, " It's not like it's being spelled out."_

"_Buffy," Giles looked at her reprovingly. "I'd thought you would have learned the language by now."_

"_Giles go away." Buffy muttered irately. "I don't need to be supervised, stop watching me."_

_The watcher looked at her with wide eyes as the clipboard vanished from his hands._

"_What am I supposed to see now Buffy?" Abruptly he winked out. Buffy didn't notice, her full attention focused on the sand._

"_That won't make them grow." _

_Wide hazel eyes glanced up to see a Jenny Calendar staring down at her with curious green eyes. Her dark hair ended just past her ears and she was dressed in a soft gauzy skirt and top. Her neck leaned at an odd angle. The Slayer looked down at the small castle she was currently building out of the sand, it's towers and half formed shape rearing above the struggling green plants._

"_They don't need a gardener." She retorted. "They're strong. Besides, I hate getting dirty."_

"_Yes, I know." Giles' lost love replied calmly._

_Looking down at her hands Buffy saw they were red with dried blood, an ugly rust brown that streaked up her arms and crusted under her nails. "Will it ever come off?" she asked. __Looking up she saw Anya and Tara standing next to Jenny, their heads were cocked to one side, watching her. Tara's blue shirt was marred with blood over the heart and Anya bore a wicked slash across her body. Buffy felt her lip quiver as she looked at them."It wasn't my fault."_

_The two women looked at each other, then glanced at the young girl with the narrow red streaked face who walked up behind them._

"_No it wasn't." Amanda said calmly, reaching up a thin finger to touch the blood on her face. "But it still got on your hands."_

_The Slayer looked down with a dismay to see a young seedling being swamped by the sand, raising her trowel above her head she moved to dig it free._

"_No." Buffy looked curiously at Tara's soft voice. The trowel in her hand had become a scythe, glinting coldly under the hot desert sun. The gentle Wiccan smiled sadly at Buffy, "That won't help them grow."_

_Abruptly the dead women were gone, and so was the sun. A full moon rose, gilding the sands with a silver sheen. Every rock and dune of sand, every twisted tree shone with a muted radiance. _

"_It's beautiful." The Slayer whispered in awe._

"_That it is luv." A low husky voice whispered in her ear. "Can you feel it? The night, singing to you?"_

"_Spike?" Buffy glanced avidly in very direction, to met only with the night time landscape."Spike where are you."_

_Glancing to her right she saw her sand castle. It loomed huge and dark against the sky, it casting a shadow over the sleeping seedlings. Walking up to its dark entrance the Slayer trailed a curious hand over the doorway feeling the sand crumble beneath her fingers, she stepped inside. It was a round bare room with multiple hallways leading off into darkness._

"_Spike where are you?" Buffy whispered. "You're supposed to show me how it works."_

_A door opened to her left, revealing a bare room where moonlight streamed in the high arched window. Spike was crouched on the floor illuminated by the smoky beams, his hand played through the moonlight, making shadows on the wall._

"_Spike what are you doing here. We have things to do."_

_The vampire glanced up at the window. "It sees you know. The moon. It sees everything."_

"_Spike we don't have time for this, come on."_

"_I can't get out pet."_

"_But the doors right her." Turning to look at it from the vampires angle she saw a complicated labyrinth of lines leading to the door._

_Spike shook his head at her. "I can't step out of line."_

"_Spike what's wrong? What happened?"_

"_What do you think happened you stupid bint. You shattered my death." A snarling swaggering Spike stood next to her._

"_All in pieces, all in pieces." A shirtless Spike was now rocking in the patch of moonlight clawing at it with worried hands._

_The Sneering Spike scoffed at her. "You really thought it would all be that easy."_

_Another Spike appeared next to him, his head thrown back, laughing, a bottle clenched in his fist._

"_Seems we've got a bit of a problem."_

_Buffy gasped in relief. This was the Spike she new, standing next her with rueful and a slightly tired face. Sighing contentedly Buffy grasped his hand._

"_**The key to life,**_

_**The key to death,**_

_**The key to warmth and light and breath.**_

_**For the anchor that holds you safe in the flood;**_

_**Release him through the gift of.**....Oh dear, how to end it? A proper finish is very important you see."A young man with honey colored hair peered at Buffy anxiously through his spectacles._

"_William?" Buffy let go of the cool hand grasping hers, to reach for the man before her. The poet continue to stare at the scrap of paper in his hand. "_

_Or perhaps it's the beginning that's the problem...." He looked up at the Slayer in annoyance. "Well now you've let it go."_

_Looking round in surprise Buffy realized Spike was now across the room from her, confronting a snarling countenance of himself. The Sneering Spike leered at her sending his fist crashing into the his counterpart's face. _

"_Are you sure this is what you want?"_

"_What's happening?!" Buffy yelled._

_The Spikewho was crouched in the moonlight corner, continued rocking back and forth. _

"_Flesh, am I flesh to you? Am I flesh?"Reaching up the vampire slashed himself across the chest then stood and snapped the Laughing Spikes neck. "Flesh then, solid through." Looking up at the multitude around him Spike turned bewildered eyes to the horrified Slayer. "Buffy which one is me?"_

The Slayer sat straight up in bed, her eyes searching the shadows of her room. What had woken her? She then froze as a prickle went up her spine, someone was in the house. Slipping from the warm embrace of her covers Buffy padded noiselessly out into the hall, she was halfway down the stairs when the silence of the house was shattered by a loud yowl. Swearing under her breath the Slayer made a beeline for the cellar, if Spike kept that racket up he was going to wake the whole house. Halfway across the kitchen Buffy froze, there was shadowy form at the top of the cellar stairs peering down into the darkness. Too tall for Willow, too slight to be Dawn. Loud growls were emanating from the basement, Spike had obviously sensed the intruder too. Creeping silently up behind the figure, the Slayer lashed out her foot in quick brutal kick. The intruder turned at the last minute catching Buffy's foot in a vise like grip, she barely caught the lightning fast punch aimed at her face, wincing as her assailant's spiky jewelry cut into her arm.. The two combatants froze as a roar emanated from below.

"Jesus." Buffy heard her attacker mutter. The Slayer blinked.

"Faith?" She asked tentatively.

"B?" A familiar voice responded.

Buffy smiled in darkness, releasing the fist she was gripping as Faith did the same to her foot. Now that her eyes had adjusted she could see the form of the tough brunette dressed in a creaking leather jacket and jeans, the shadowy lump of a duffel bag lay on the floor where the other Slayer had apparently tossed it.

"Way to go with the reflexes," Buffy grinned, "good to see you haven't lost your edge."

The other Slayer snorted placing her hands on her hips. "Oh yeah, like I could—"

Another low growl cut across her comeback. Buffy swore lightly under her breath.

"Damn B." Faith asked curiously, "what the hell do you have down there?"

Buffy sighed. "Stay here okay?" When the brunette moved to protest Buffy shook her head. "It's not a problem, it's a....houseguest. Trust me, it will only get louder if you come down with me and I really don't want to wake the whole house."

"Okay then." The brunette held up her hands in surrender. "I'll just stay up here and raid your fridge."

Buffy smiled. "Just don't touch any containers with a "do not eat" sign. The wrath of Andrew is a terrible thing." Faith's chuckles followed her down the stairs.

"Spike?' Buffy called softly into the gloom, there was a clink of chains and Buffy was suddenly subject to a thorough nuzzling as the vampire checked her over for wounds, sniffing at the new scent on her skin.

"Everything's fine now Spike. I'm fine." Buffy soothed. "Go back to sleep."

Obediently the vampire prowled back over to his nest of quilts, pulling on Buffy's arm expectantly. She peered at Spike closely, he still hadn't moved from his vamp face. Was he in there? Hearing rummaging noises from upstairs Buffy sighed, it would have to wait until tomorrow.

"No Spike," she said patiently, "I can't stay with you. I have to go visit with Faith, she would be the new smell." The vampire growled. "She's a friendly new smell." Buffy stated, rolling her eyes at her choice of wording.

_A friendly smell. And I turned down a date with Tom, the nice bartender._

"Please go back to sleep Spike. I'll see you tomorrow." Making grumbling noises in his throat in what Buffy would swear was a demon's equivalent of a snark, the Vampire obeyed.

"So," Faith quipped when Buffy entered the kitchen. "How did you get the Rancor in your basement?" The one time rogue Slayer was sitting on the kitchen counter, her boot heels clunking slightly against the white cabinets as she rifled through a box of cookies.

Buffy rolled her eyes, "It's a long story and—What's a Rancor?"

Faith raised her eyebrows. "Big monster, from a Star Wars movie, growled a lot. Geeze Buffy, you're living with Andrew and you missed a Star Wars reference?"

"Gee my bad." Buffy smiled dryly, "so what brings you here? Not that it isn't good to see you, unannounced, as usual."

"I just need to crash here for a few days B." Faith replied shifting on the counter top and running her hand nervously through her hair.

"Where's Robin?" Buffy asked. "Last I heard you were in France.....or something."

"That son of a bitch." Faith muttered darkly. She pulled out a cigarette, stared at it, and surprisingly tossed it away without lighting it. She suddenly jumped up. "He's not here is he?"

"No. He's not here. Faith what's up? Is cutting back making you jumpy-er, or is something really wrong?"

"Just need to regroup here for a while." Faith muttered. "I got trouble B."

"Please don't say it's an apocalypse," Said Buffy with asperity, "because you may have to get in line."

"Huh, might as well be." The brunette said, then seeing Buffy's worried frown. "No it's not. Just can't let that bastard catch up with me."

_Robin_ Thought Buffy. _Damn_

She had really hoped things would work out between those two. He was good for Faith, he made her smile, made her laugh. And in some strange way Faith seemed to be good for him too. Things had seemed great when she had seen them briefly a few months ago and it had warmed Buffy's heart to see Faith so happy. Of course she had been half prepared for this but–_Damn_

"What happened Faith." She asked resignedly.

"Happened? Nothing happened." Faith was on the defensive. "Things are just a little wound up right now."

"I mean what happened to Robin." Buffy sighed. Then stopped, feeling cold. "Did, something happen to Robin?" She asked worriedly, knowing it would be just like Faith not to say anything.

"To him?" The brunette snorted, "Oh no, he's fine. Five by Five, livin it large." The last was said with heavy irony. "Or at least he was when I left."

"You left." Buffy sighed "You left him. Why?" Buffy asked, "I mean, I'm sure it's weird to be in real relation ship for the first time and scary but–"

"Oh for fuck's sake B I don't need a friken marriage councillor." Faith snapped, her eyes then shifted to an unreadable expression Buffy had never seen before, "Might need a doctor though."

Buffy blinked, nonplused. "Faith.......What? I mean, there is something wrong? Cause you're being really confusing and I don't—"

"I'm pregnant B. The sonofabitch got me pregnant."

There was a brief moment of silence as Buffy stared at her sister in arms in the muted light of the kitchen. "You're what!?"

"Yeah," Faith smirked tiredly. Her eyes half amused. "Like some kind of fucking cosmic joke isn't it."

"Wow, um, I mean....wow." Buffy shook her head, trying to absorb the information. "Does Robin know?"

"No!" Faith said harshly. "I took off as soon as I found out, I mean what the hell was I supposed to do."

"Faith he should know."

"No! I don't even know what to do. I can't have a baby! I don't—" Tears leaked out of the brunette's and she brushed them away with a rough hand. "Oh Christ I'm so scared B."

Buffy stood somewhat at a loss as Faith broke down into tears before her. If it were any other person she would reach out, try to hold them. But this was Faith. Faith and she didn't do touchy feely. She also couldn't help but force down a tiny bit of jealousy. A child, a baby. Something she would never have. Tentatively she reached out and put her hand on the young woman's shoulder. When she wasn't re-buffed she carefully wrapped her arms around Faith's shaking shoulders.

"Faith I'm not sure, I mean this isn't exactly my area of expertise either. But you can stay here, as long as you need to. And I'll do whatever I can."

The brunette sniffled wetly. "I'm a piece of work huh? Faith The Vampire Slayer slash Psycho Con is knocked up. I'm wonder what the little squirt did wrong in it's last life to get stuck with me."

"Faith." Buffy admonished, slightly shocked.

"I know." The other Slayer sniffed, "I'm sorry, it's just all too much you know?"

"I think you're exhausted." Buffy said evenly, "and it's definitely a bedtime time of night. Why don't you go on up to my room. I'll take the couch."

"C'mon B. Like I didn't spend enough time in your bed the last time I showed up. I'm pregnant not made of fucking glass."

"You're taking it." Buffy enunciated firmly. "Besides, do you really want to deal with Andrew in the morning."

That got her a watery smile. "You win." Faith's brown eyes softened for a moment. "I'm pregnant." She said softly. "Tonight was the first time I said it out loud, feels kinda weird ya know?"

Buffy lowered her eyes. "Not really. My bedroom's up the stairs, first door on your left."

"Right." Faith stood, shouldering her bag. She paused halway through the doorway, muted light from the porch lighting her in a soft glow. "And B, thanks."

When the kitchen was once again empty Buffy slumped against the counter, burying her tired face in hands.

_And could this get any more complicated?_ Glancing nervously around the silent room the Slayer winced. _Let's just forget I thought that._

Sighing the Slayer reached out for a dishrag, dabbing gingerly at the cut on her wrist left by Faiths choice in wrist jewelry, she winced as the blood stained the floral pattern red. Suddenly her head snapped up, eyes going wide, as they turned to the basement door. "Because it's always gotta be blood." She whispered to the darkness.

Blue bars of moonlight fell across the sleeping vampire lighting him in an eery radiance, it caressed his form, the play of shadow and light bringing the hard planes of his body and face into high relief. For a moment Buffy froze, wondering if hereally wasjust the play of moonlight and shadow, then the vampire grumbled and twitched in his sleep, idly scratching at his stomach, and Buffy laughed softly at her silliness, stepping closer to his form.

"Spike." Buffy whispered softly. Immediately a pair of glowing yellow eyes were riveted upon her. Chains clinked lightly as Spike moved into a crouch, his posture coiled and strong. Buffy felt a momentary surge of fear, was she crazy? Going down alone in the dark to offer the monster in the basement her neck? Looking into the expectant golden eyes before Buffy realized that she had made her decision a long time ago, accepted Spike, and everything that went with him. Breathing deeply she knelt before the curious vampire, clinging to the memory of the way her blood seemed to have woken him last year from his demonic state. Slowly she reached up and brushed her hair back from her shoulders, keeping her eyes locked with his she tilted her head to the side, deliberately baring her neck to him. He snorted softly, then hesitated glowing eyes confused.

"It's alright Spike." Buffy said quietly. "Drink." Closing her eyes she braced herself for the pain of what was to come remembering the savagery of when Angel had bitten into her. With surprise she felt Spike's hand gently cup the side of her headrunning his fingers through her hair she started slightly as the vampire let out a strange gravely chirpthen shuddered as she felt a slight sting and he slowly slid his fangs into her, gently sucking at her neck with his lips. Buffy trembled, her arms coming up to clutch the hard muscles of his shoulders as delicious dizzying feelings built slowly within her core until she cried out, collapsing bonelessly against Spike's hard chest, as waves of bliss pounded through her. There was a strangled gasp, and Buffy felt her euphoric state quickly dissipating as the cool planes of the chest she rested against began to rise and fall. Slowly lifting her head she found herself looking into a pair of shocked blue eyes, and smooth human face.

"Spike?" Buffy whispered.

"Buffy."

A choked gigglesob escaped the Slayer's throat. "Spike." She smiled, reaching out to touch his face.

He flinched back from touch her eyes wide in his face. "What–what did you do?"

Buffy dropped her hand, her heart dropping with it. He was Spike yes, but how could he ever forgive her for what she'd done? "I brought you back Spike. I'm sorry, but I brought you back." She tried to keep the tears from her voice.

Blue eyes filled with anguish locked with hers. "Why?"

"I had to."

The vampire nodded slowly rising shakily to his feet and turning towards the corner where he stared blankly at the earth wall. "Why?" He whispered huskily.

Buffy bit her lip for a moment. "I need your help."

The vampire slumped. "Another fight?" Buffy nodded imperceptibly as she pulled herself to her feet.

Spike heaved a sigh, squaring his shoulders as felt the strength from her blood beginning to course through him. "Right then, back to business."

There was a lump of lead in Buffy's chest. "Yeah." she said in as businesslike a manner as she could. _Business, right. This is all about business._

The vampire remained staring at the wall as he heard her footsteps begin to move towards the stairs. Life or un-life, seemed as bleak as the bare earth walls. He was tired, so tired, so--

"Can you ever forgive me?" The soft query surprised both of them. Spike turned to see Buffy staring at him, her arms hugged tightly around her own waist, green eyes bright with threatening tears. She immediately looked down. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. It wasn't fair and you have every right to be—"

She was cut off by Spikes arms wrapping tightly around her, almost squeezing the breath from her body, she let out a whoosh of air, barely daring to move at the wonderful and slightly surreal feeling. Spike sighed, feeling her warmth seep into his cold skin, the softness of her trembling form in his arms. "Nah then luv none of that, s'not so bad. It'll just take some getting used to is all. Course I forgive you. You do what you have to do."

Buffy shivered in his arms as she felt their body temperatures begin to mingle."I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry"she whispered into his chest.

Spike sighed again without breath, inhaling the scent of her hair. Back again. Back again to fight the fight, for her. He'd do it again, ask nothing in return, maybe the third time would be the charm and he's get some rest at last. The last thought made him chuckle. "We're even now you see, three times around for you, three times for me."

Buffy almost smiled, but guilt still has her firmly in its grip. "But you wanted to rest." She mumbled, hating herself for how needy she still sounded.

"I did rest." Spike responded, beginning to feel slightly giddy as the scents and sounds of life began to drift across his senses. "Had a nice long holiday." He grinned against her hair, Buffy was in his arms, there was another bonus "Now m'back. Besides, I was gettin bored." he stated, realizing it was the truth.

The last comment, was so intrinsically Spike, that Buffy smiled against his chest, and burst into tears. Spike blinked as her arms suddenly threw themselves around his waist in a crushing grip, her hands roaming over every inch of his bare back in a way that made him swallow hard.

"Buffy..." Spike began, a bit of strain coming into his voice as her ministrations began reminding him just how very much back in the flesh he was. Her actions stopped abruptly and she clung to him tightly, smiling as he unconsciously responded in kind.

"I missed you." Her watery voice whispered next to his ear. "I missed you."

Tears came to the vampire's eyes, without think he pressed his lips against her temple as one hand lovingly stroked her golden hair. "Ah pet, I missed you too."

Pulling back Buffy looked deep into the blue of his eyes. "Spike I......I'll get you some clothes."

The vampire opened his mouth as if to protest, then clamped it shut, giving her a nod and a smile. "You do that pet. Don't really feel like makin my grand entrance in the Whelp's slouchy pants.

The Slayer gave him a grateful look that warmed his heart. "Alright just don't..." she trailed off biting her lip and looking suddenly embarrassed. This time Spikes smile reached all the way to his eyes. "Go ahead pet. I'll still be here when you get back. Not going anywhere."

Buffy fought the urge to tear up again. He always knew. With a great force of will she resisted the urge to throw herself back into his arms, instead she let one hand reach out and linger on his cheek, before turning and walking briskly towards the stairs. The vampire watched her go, a slow grin forming on his lips. When he was sure she was out of earshot he let out a whoop, chuckling madly to himself as he felt her blood suffusing his veins with life. "And I guess schools back in session." He murmured to himself, eyes trained expectantly on the stairs, waiting for his love's return.

I hope that wasn't too mushy. Yeah Spike could have been all angsty, but honestly, didn't we get enough of that in season six? Besides he's always been resilient. This is the last of my pre-written chapters so there might be longer wait between posts from now on, but don't worry. Keep up those awesome reviews y'all have been posting and I'm sure my muse will be quite content to stay with me.


	8. Technicalities

Gadzooks! I've been forgetting the disclaimer. Ahem, these characters are not mine, (though I one day hope to clone Spike,) they are the prorety of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.

**Chapter 8:** **Technicalities**

"Spike's back." The group seated around the dining room table glanced up in startlement at the Slayers sudden appearance. Dawn looked up at her sister in excitement, "He's awake?"

Buffy smiled serenely back at her, setting a stack of bedding on the table. "Yeah, he's awake." It had been more than a bit awkward when the Slayer had come back down the cellar stairs. It's a little hard when holding out a pile of clothes to a gorgeous vampire who's half naked already, to keep from thinking about the other half. She had stayed long enough to make Spike agree to let her warn the Scoobies of his return, before beating a hasty retreat as the air in the cold cellar seemed to get very warm. The Slayer shifted, it suddenly seemed to be getting very warm in here as well. "What?" She asked her watcher, realizing he had just asked her a question. A question that Dawn, Willow, and Xander all seemed to very much want the answer to.

"Then he has his soul?" The older man repeated. At Buffy's blank look Giles felt the stirrings of familiar irritation begin. "Buffy does he have his soul?"

Buffy blinked. "I never thought to ask." A strange half smile appeared on her face. "It didn't seem important."

"It didn't seem important?!" Giles almost squeaked.

"No." She looked up at her Watcher steadily. "It's Spike."

"Yeah, Buffy it's Spike." Xander stated grimly, "and the last time you saw him when he was souless...."

"Don't." Buffy's voice lashed out like a gunshot. "Don't even say it Xander. If you ever, ever, mention that again then we are no longer friends." Xander bit his cheek, a muscle in his jaw twitching as his eyes lit up with anger and hurt. The Slayer sighed. "Xander, after everything that's happened....can't we move past this. Don't you think he's earned the right to a clean slate?"

"Anya–"

"Died a human death." The Slayer said as gently as possible.

The young man looked down, throat working as he swallowed. "I know. I just...."

Hesitantly Buffy held out her arms, sighing in relief as Xander gave her a brief warm squeeze. "We good?" She whispered in his ear.

"Yeah we're good." The carpenter sighed. "It just...."

"Hurts." The Slayer finished quietly for him.

"Yes, well," Buffy stepped back to see Giles busily polishing his glasses. "How did you manage to "wake" him?"

The Slayer nervously opened her mouth, wondering what she should say, but Dawn's quiet exclamation of "Buffy." decided for her.

The Slayer glanced up to find the room's eyes riveted on her neck. _Crap._

"Jesus Buffy." Xander exclaimed, his previous calm forgotten. "He's back for ten minutes and he's already bitten you!?"

Dawn's face too, was hard. "Did he hurt you Buffy?"

"No." The Slayer resisted the urge to cover the marks on her neck. She wasn't ashamed of them and she refused to give any implication that she was. "He didn't hurt me. It was—" she stopped herself a slight blush tinging her cheeks. "He didn't hurt me."

"So he comes back, he bites you, and you think he's soul having?" Xander demanded incredulously.

"He was in his demon form Xander, it wasn't like he was conscious of the implications."

Her friend began to get very red in the face but was stopped by Willow's gentle hand on his shoulder. She had been quiet, not really sure who's side she was on, now she felt she had better head off one doozy of an argument.. "I think what you're trying to say Xander, is that everyone would feel a lot better if we all know that Spike's soul is intact." Glancing at Buffy's stubborn face where she stood arms crossed, and just behind her at Gile's dower one Willow sighed, getting the feeling that if she didn't act quickly there was going to be a major fight. "We know how you stand on the subject Buffy, and I respect that." As Giles opened his mouth to protest the witch quickly continued. "But I think for everyone's piece of mind it would be better if we checked." Willow sighed in relief as Buffy nodded sheepishly and relaxed her stance.

"What will we need, to tell I mean." She looked expectantly at Giles.

"I'll check." Willow said calmly. "It would just be simple reading, Lorna's been teaching me." She added to quell Giles protest. "If you'll just go get Spike, I'll check."

"No need Red."

Everyone jumped as Spike walked around the corner into the room. He was clothed in a pair of old blue jeans and a signature black tee. Dawn could,'t help but wonder where the had come from. Looking at her sister's downcast eyes she had her suspicion.

Giles glared at the vampire. "Have you been eavesdropping?"

"Well, yeah." Spike glared back, annoyed with the Watcher but to pleased with his own entrance to let the man bother him much. "Heard every word." His eyes turned to Buffy, searing her with their intensity. "Every word." The Slayer flushed looking down at the floor, even as her insides warmed.

"Spike."

The vampire's attention sifted apprehensively to the young teenager who was standing before him.

"Nib–Dawn." He corrected himself, eyeing her somewhat apprehensively, as he wondered if there was fire in his near future. He was thoroughly flummoxed when the young woman stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist giving him a small squeeze.

"I'm glad you're back." The teen said quietly.

Spike blinked rapidly, hoping desperately that he wouldn't break down and cry like a git in front of the Scoobies. "A'right Bit," He said gruffly, returning her hug. "me too."

The girl nodded, slightly embarrassed and stepped back as Spike gained control of himself, pointedly refusing to look at anyone.

"So Red." the bleached menace said, bravado firmly in place as he leered at her. "How we gonna do this."

Buffy rolled her eyes as the witch blushed. "Um, _we _are not going to do anything. You just stand there and stay quiet while I run a check. I'll have to put my hand on your chest—"

"Really?" The vamp wiggled his eyebrows. "Thought you said–"

"It would help if you would close your eyes and concentrate." Continued Willow a trifle desperately. Now shush!" She commanded, slapping the vampire with her resolve face. It seemed to have the desired effect, for Spike closed his momentarily fighting off a smirk before his face relaxed into still expression. When Willow was satisfied that the vampire was focused she closed her own eyes, taking a deep breath as she placed her slim hand on the dark fabric of his tee-shirt, just below his breast bone. For a moment nothing seemed to happen, then Willow frowned, and tensed. Buffy tensed too, even though she had been firm in her support of Spike there was a part of her that desperately hoped that the beautiful light she had touched last year was still there. She held her breath as Willow's head tilted back slightly, a growing look of wonder and euphoria on her face. The slayer shifted, suddenly feeling a bit jealous as the redhead finally stepped back, dropping her hand from his chest.

Giles harrumphed, his face a bit red. "I take it this means his soul is intact?" he asked resignedly.

"Wow." Willow whispered softly her eyes still closed.

Spike smirked, "Always do m'best to satisfy a lady."

"Oookay," Faith's curious voice drifted intruded into the awkward silence in the room. "What'd I miss."

"Faith?" Willow yelped in surprise, stepping quickly Spike.

Faith however was staring very seriously at the vampire, hesitating on the bottom step of the stairs.

"Is he safe." She asked, looking questioningly at Buffy, as Spike shifted his weight uneasily, uncomfortable with the look he was getting fromm the brunette.

"He's safe Buffy confirmed.

With a nod Faith stepped cautiously into the room. "Hey guys. How's it hangin," she grinned, attempting some bravado.

"Faith." Giles nodded, a puzzled but welcoming smile on his face.

"Hey Xanman," Faith smiled at the carpenter. "Like the eye, very non patchy."

"Hey Faith." Dawn gave a small wave as the Slayer looked at her. "Where's Robin." The teen had a bit of a soft spot for her ex-principal, she hoped he was also there.

Faith's smile immediately shut down. "I'm gonna go get some breakfast." She stated, stalking off to the kitchen. Buffy just shook her head at the gang's curious glances,

"She got in last night, don't ask." There was a nodding of heads, Faith pretty much breezed in and out as she pleased. The look she was getting from her younger sister however, told Buffy that matters were far from over.

"Well, well, well." Spike said, a little miffed that the attention had so quickly shifted from him. "Looks the gangs all here." His brow creased in frown for a moment. "Oi, where's the demon bird."

Buffy's cry of "Xander!" was all the warning Spike got before he was slammed roughly into the wall, a very angry carpenter's hands fisted into his shirt.

"Don't you ever call her that!" Xander snarled. "Ever! She was not a demon!"

Seeing the fire coming into Spike's eyes at Xander's rough treatment Buffy stepped forward.

"She didn't make it Spike." She said, her eyes sending him a _so back off_ message. The vampire froze, a look of true regret stealing across his face. "Damn." Xander glanced up, startled, into a pair of surprisingly sincere blue eyes. "M' sorry, I didn't know."

The slightly taller man glared at him, tears leaking out of the corner of his eye. "She should be here." He whispered harshly, pushing Spiked into the wall. "_She _should be here." With a final shove he turned and staggered, drunk with grief out the back door. Willow, tears on her cheeks, quickly hurried after him.

"Well Spike," Giles remarked sardonically, "good to know you haven't lost your touch."

"Oh can it Watcher." The man looked at Spike sharply, startled by the seriousness of his tone. "I didn't know all right. As much of Git as I can be, I wouldn't disrespect her memory. She was my friend." Giles looked down, chastened, then meeting the vampire's gaze he gave a slight nod of acknowledgment.

"Spike." The Slayer stepped forward placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. Giles watched fascinated as the anger radiating off the vampire seemed to shut off at her touch. "Are you okay?" The blonde asked, surreptitiously looking for injuries.

"M'fine pet. It was just the whelp after all, give me a little more credit than that."

The Slayer smiled, slapping him lightly on the shoulder.

"Did anyone else not make it out?" Spike asked, almost too low for Giles and Dawn to hear.

Buffy swallowed. "Amanda, Jane," she started, then swallowed. The list was so long. "A lot of the girls died. There's a garden the Coven is working on, with the names."

"Andrew?" Spike queried.

The Slayer rolled her eyes. "Yeah, he made it. Anya saved him."She finished in a quieter tone of voice.

"Revenge?" Spike asked lightly, past the sudden lump in his throat. _Poor girl._

The Slayer smirked. "Possibly."

The back door slammed loudly, as Willow and Xander came rushing into the room.

"Someone's watching the house!" The witch gasped breathlessly.

The Slayer's head snapped up sharply. "What?"

"In the grove of trees, just beyond the house. I saw the light reflecting off the binoculars." Xander proudly held up the pair dangling from his hand.

"Could you tell who it was?" Buffy asked worriedly.

"No," the redhead frowned apologetically. "They got away."

Giles, looking deeply troubled, reached for his coat. "I think I'd better alert Lorna, I don't like the idea of someone being able to get through the Coven's alarm spells." He quickly strode for the door.

Taking the binoculars from Xander Willow gave them a speculative look. "Maybe I can do a trace spell, get some info on who was holding these last, Dawnie will you help me."

The teen's face lit into an enthusiastic smile. "Sure thing, Watcher Junior to the books."

"What about your homework." Buffy asked pointedly.

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. I'll also make sure to do some research in my textbook." Buffy and Xander smiled fondly as the two bookworms left the room, heads together as they whispered ideas. Xander glanced up in surprise as he felt Spike move closer to him, looking up he found his gaze met with a pair of serious blue eyes.

"I am sorry about your bird." Spike said quietly. "She was a fine woman. I'm sorry, Xander."

The carpenter looked at the offered, then back at the vampires serious face. Slowly he put out his hand giving the cold one before him a firm shake. Buffy resisted the temptation to roll her eyes at the drama of the two men looking each other in the eyes for the first time. It would have been a moving sight, if they hadn't been exerting so much willpower to keep from turning the handshake into a grip contest. As it was she felt an enormous sense of relief, it would make things so much easier if those two were at least trying to get along.

Xander smiled slightly letting his hand drop. "This doesn't mean I like you, alright fangbreath?"

The vampire grinned, thankful to have the serious moment over with. "A'right whelp."

"Hey, B!" Faith's strident voice yelled form the kitchen. "Wanna tell me what the hell's going on out there?"

The Slayer looked wearily at Xander. "Could you Xand? I think I've reached my exposition quota for the day."

The shaggy haired man smiled. "Sure thing Buff, I was gonna head in for a snack anyway." He walked off whistling, leaving Buffy alone with Spike. _Damn. _The Slayer thought, _I didn't think of that._ There were so many questions still unvoiced between them, and she really hoped he wasn't going to start asking because she sure didn't have any answers.

"So." She smiled nervously at him, "I found somewhere for you to sleep."

"Yeah." The vampire asked cocking his head to one side. "Where would that be pet."

"Well um, it's a small room, actually it was closet. But a very big, now empty walk in closet. And, it'll protect you from that suntan you're always trying to avoid."

She was nervous, Spike could tell. She had walked to the table and was agitatedly loading a pile of bedding into her arms. He decided not to push her, much. "Well I can think of better places," he began, "but I can think of worse too."

Buffy quirked an eyebrow at him. "Like say the basement. Watch it Spikey, you could still be downgraded." Her stomach was fluttering slightly. Somehow Spike seemed to have regained his sense of humor, she loved it, and it was much better than the serious alternative, which was that she wanted to share his bed very badly. In what way she wasn't entirely sure yet. Hence the nifty closet idea.

"Basement to closet eh?" Spike asked, blue eyes twinkling. "Guess a bloke moves up in the world after he saves it." Smiling he reached out to tug playfully at her hair.

"Yeah, yeah bleachboy," the Slayer snarked easily sidestepping his touch. The vampire let it go, once her evasion of his touch would have hurt and angered him, but now he had something he hadn't felt in a rather long while. Hope.

Buffy walked quickly, ahead of the vampire, his presence a warmth against her back. Faith, Spike, and some creepy surveillance guy, the living room was destroyed and her house was filling up, both very bad signs. Boy did she need a good sleep tonight.

_She found herself in a long corridor of her sand castle, staring at the walls where the crumbling sand was covered with lines and lines of writing._

"_What language is it?" Buffy asked the dark woman next to her._

_The First Slayer traced jagged nails over the wall. "Death, sacrifice, pain."_

"_I'm not very good at studying."Buffy frowned._

"_You already know this language." She gestured to the slanting script. "It is time you learned to speak it correctly."_

_The blonde Slayer sighed. "I guess school's back in session. I really wish I was done." _

_The First Slayer looked at her with expressionless eyes. "You've barely even begun." There was a harsh caw, and the Slayer gasped as a great black crow flew at her face, stabbing viciously with its beak, around her the lines in the wall began to glow a deep blood red. _

"_It is time!" The Slayer rasped in a harsh command, and before the red light erupted throughout the hallway Buffy became aware of a pair of startled blue eyes.  
_Buffy jerked awake, her small form shaking uncontrollably in it's cocoon of blankets on the couch. She moved her fingers frantically over her face, searching in vain for the marks she felt sure must be there from the cruel slashes of the bird's beak. In his small room Spike jerked awake as well, eyes wide. "What the bloody hell?"

That took way longer than I expected. I somehow got landed with a ver stubborn case of writers block. Anyone still with me?


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